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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Sex Addiction
♀ 37762
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been one year since DD. My BS was not transparent or honest about anything. Anything I know now, I had to find everything out. Him and his family also tried to blame me for his behavior; I was a bad wife, had an emotional affair, verbally abused him, caused him to do those things.

Even after DD, he continued to do those things (exotic massage parlors, live web cam to web cam sex, and taking trips to vegas). He just opened a hidden credit card and charged these things on it after DD. Then he painted a perfect picture to my family and his family that he became such a good person and has not done any of these things after DD. I found out about the hidden credit card in March.

Now he is claiming that he was molested when he was younger, got help through sex addiction group and has gotten better. I cannot believe him anymore. I really don't see the sincerity. I do not think he has really changed and there is no way of knowing.

Why is he continuing to bug me for another chance. My divorce is in process and he still is continuing to harrass me about making it work.

I would never want to make it work after the way him and his family treated me. I also do not want to put myself in that situation again. I have one child in my 30's.

Any suggestions on how to get him to stop bugging me about reconciliation? We have a child so I have to communicate with him on an on going basis.

Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like you have made your decision to divorce based on sound reasons. The way to get him to "stop bugging you about R" is to be at peace with your decision. He will stop bugging you when you stop letting yourself be bothered by him.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, big hugs


first of all, are you getting some help/support for his sex addiction? A support group? S-Anon, COSA, Co-Da... if those groups are not available (they are not prevalent) you can do Al-Anon. You need to get some help for the trauma that he and his addiction inflicted on you. Your child should also be in counseling for this.

If you are pursuing divorce, then you need to proceed legally and ask your attorney what the procedures/processes are in your state for ensuring adherence to NC. If he is in SA group, then he should have a sponsor - you can contact his sponsor to let him know you have initiated NC and your STBXWH will not respect it. His sponsor may be able to help on that side... maybe not, but worth a shot. My ex's sponsor was helpful initially, but then my ex dropped the program - because his sponsor told him that his behavior was inappropriate.

Hang in there. I will tell you that addicts do not have coping skills - that's in part why they're addicts. Divorce is a high stress situation and it tends to make them spin out of control. Be prepared.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 4:34 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15607 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe make an appointment with a mediator so both of you can sit down with a third party and discuss appropriate boundaries and come to an agreement? Cheaper than a lawyer.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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