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asurvivor posted 8/11/2013 15:37 PM

Let me preface this little blurb by saying that I have never been very open about my life with strangers. Friends and loved ones yes, but people I’m not familiar with…not so much. However, I read the posts in NB and off topic and think…well lots of things…but mainly that this is a great way to tell ones ongoing story in total anonymity. Can be cathartic, don’t you think? If people read and find it all boring or irritating, they can comment or move on and it is all done usually in a civil manner. For me, it indeed can sometimes be boring and irritating but sometimes…fascinating. So what the hell I thought, why not add what is going on in my present. Then I thought, NB usually seems like a ladies club, but then I thought, maybe that’s why more men should post in NB...whatever, I am going to do some of it from time to time because, well I can and I want to. I mean it can be rather self absorbed, but what the hell.

So firstly I want to say …This is really an exciting time in my life being that it is a new beginning and all. Not to be overly metaphysical here, but I have always been one to live in the moment and feel the past is just that…the past. The future…well that is something that just does not exist, but something that I look forward to because quite frankly…I have always enjoyed life to the fullest and the alternative, just doesn't interest me. I have had my dark moments (why else would I have found SI) but truly, I have found that being happy or not is a choice and I find that being unhappy sucks so….

I was thinking about this NB section last night and thought…we in this position can look at the negatives of it all OR realize what an opportunity this actually can be. A new beginning…that is a remarkable thing. I have friends on the wrong side of the grass that I know would love to have just one day of that opportunity. Another chance…I do like that.

So, I am really enjoying myself these days. I live in the moment and I don’t expect or expect anything from anyone else or my circumstance but accept what is…and that seems to be working just fine. I have decided to let go of all the waste of time and energy crap such as blame and guilt and why did this and why is this happening to me and…well the shit. It really is working…hope it still does when the booze and drugs and current psychosis wears off. This is where I would have put one of those goofy laughing icons but I hate them...the end.

[This message edited by asurvivor at 3:44 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

gma56 posted 8/11/2013 15:59 PM

A NB is exciting, fun, lonely at times, and scary.
When I think where I would be if I had not found out about the infidelity, that scares me more. I was very comfortable but also had the eggshells and never knew why.
I also would never want to go back, my past life was sucking life from me.

I'm learning to live in the present and it's been a learning experience for sure.

I was surprised how many people envy me and the freedom to start over and live for myself again.
I don't like not having another person to discuss decisions and to just share day to day activities. I am starting over in so many ways and that is scary when you are already 57. I had to find new goals and lifestyle.

Enjoy your new path asurviver !

burnt_toast posted 8/11/2013 16:55 PM

I have decided to let go of all the waste of time and energy crap such as blame and guilt and why did this and why is this happening to me and…well the shit.

^^^It's a wonderful present you're making to yourself. Enjoy!

[This message edited by burnt_toast at 4:55 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

asurvivor posted 8/11/2013 17:29 PM

It's a wonderful present you're making to yourself. Enjoy! ]

Not to mention to my 15 year old and friends and any new people I happen to meet. Positive vibrations attract. Negative ones are...well they are negative.

kernel posted 8/11/2013 18:45 PM

Welcome asurvivor! It's always nice to hear from the men here in NB. I have no idea why there aren't many - maybe they're too busy with their NB to post.

(Ok, grammar nerd moment, used there, they're and their in the same sentence.)

I agree with looking at this new beginning as a positive thing, full of opportunities. Personally, I think dwelling in the negative is just too exhausting, and nobody likes hanging around negative people. Your attitude is a lot healthier.

better4me posted 8/12/2013 12:07 PM

we in this position can look at the negatives of it all OR realize what an opportunity this actually can be

Thanks for posting this. Helps me reflect a little about this stage of my journey too. At the beginning of my new beginning, I focused too much on the future. Probably because the "now" was so very painful. When I wasn't in the pain I was looking for someone or something to "fix" my loneliness or my worry about being alone "forever".

Now, I am so much more comfortable with me and being in the present. I look forward to the future, but I'm not trying to rush it...I don't like the painful moments, but I understand that I can learn from them and just "be" in them too. This time of "single-ness" has really been a gift.

(Your booze and drugs and psychosis comment made me Yep,I'm ornery)

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