Let me preface this little blurb by saying that I have never been very open about my life with strangers. Friends and loved ones yes, but people I’m not familiar with…not so much. However, I read the posts in NB and off topic and think…well lots of things…but mainly that this is a great way to tell ones ongoing story in total anonymity. Can be cathartic, don’t you think? If people read and find it all boring or irritating, they can comment or move on and it is all done usually in a civil manner. For me, it indeed can sometimes be boring and irritating but sometimes…fascinating. So what the hell I thought, why not add what is going on in my present. Then I thought, NB usually seems like a ladies club, but then I thought, maybe that’s why more men should post in NB...whatever, I am going to do some of it from time to time because, well I can and I want to. I mean it can be rather self absorbed, but what the hell.
So firstly I want to say …This is really an exciting time in my life being that it is a new beginning and all. Not to be overly metaphysical here, but I have always been one to live in the moment and feel the past is just that…the past. The future…well that is something that just does not exist, but something that I look forward to because quite frankly…I have always enjoyed life to the fullest and the alternative, just doesn't interest me. I have had my dark moments (why else would I have found SI) but truly, I have found that being happy or not is a choice and I find that being unhappy sucks so….
I was thinking about this NB section last night and thought…we in this position can look at the negatives of it all OR realize what an opportunity this actually can be. A new beginning…that is a remarkable thing. I have friends on the wrong side of the grass that I know would love to have just one day of that opportunity. Another chance…I do like that.
So, I am really enjoying myself these days. I live in the moment and I don’t expect or expect anything from anyone else or my circumstance but accept what is…and that seems to be working just fine. I have decided to let go of all the waste of time and energy crap such as blame and guilt and why did this and why is this happening to me and…well the shit. It really is working…hope it still does when the booze and drugs and current psychosis wears off. This is where I would have put one of those goofy laughing icons but I hate them...the end.
[This message edited by asurvivor at 3:44 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]