I understand the loss of your friendship is difficult along with the double betrayal.
The only way to work through this is to change this
I don't really talk about the A-it's all held in
You cannot expect to heal and move forward if you hold the anger, sadness , fears all inside.
Your H needs to feel and hear about your pain. He needs to learn how to help you heal.
You won't be able to move forward without communication...
When he gets home I would sit him down and let it out. There is freedom in releasing your pent up pain.
If you need some help getting the convo started write a few things down or talk to an IC/MC about it...maybe even start the conversation in MC.
You cannot continue to hold it all in, it will destroy your ability to R.
And you deserve to be heard!