There was a middle aged man who felt bad about himself.
He needed an ego boost, someone to be attracted to him, to make him feel good about himself.
To fill a gap in his life.
You said you could "add" something special to his life.
Enlighten him, Fulfill him in ways he needed.
Introduce him to a delusional fantasy world where he gets everything he wants. He gets You, me, your husband - Adding more love. What a fantasy!
That gap however is in his soul, the gap is how worthless he feels about himself.
You thought you had the best of him, but really you were accepting the worst of him.
His lies, his deception, his neediness.
To fill the horrible gap in yourself, you were searching for something too.
Something your "enlightened" lifestyle doesn't and won't ever provide you.
You fool yourself into thinking you are strong and secure; but inside you feel worthless, unlovable, weak, pathetic.
I asked him what you "Added" to his life exactly and he couldn't answer it.
You are weak and injured and selfish and narsisstic and stupid.
The only one with worse self esteem than him is you.
I could see it in your eyes when you had the sick need to come into my house to meet me before I knew about all this.
You came to size me up.
But when you left, you knew and I knew the status of the other,
you don't compare to me, you knew I was a better woman than you would ever be.
And maybe then was the moment you realized how pathetic and cheap and typical your affair was.
He doesn't really love you.
It was sex and excitement and neediness and trying to fill your mutual insecurity.
And If you truly loved him, you wouldn't have let him risk the rest of his life.Rip apart a family. Two little kids.
Now the life he knew was over.
And the life you knew was over.
You might think you will have a life with him because he can't repair what he did to our family.
But he will only realize how horribly he down graded to you,
and resent you,
and hate you for all he lost.
And then you both have nothing.
but especially you.