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There was a middle aged man who felt bad about himself.
He needed an ego boost, someone to be attracted to him, to make him feel good about himself.
To fill a gap in his life.
You said you could "add" something special to his life.
Enlighten him, Fulfill him in ways he needed.
Introduce him to a delusional fantasy world where he gets everything he wants. He gets You, me, your husband - Adding more love. What a fantasy!
That gap however is in his soul, the gap is how worthless he feels about himself.
You thought you had the best of him, but really you were accepting the worst of him.
His lies, his deception, his neediness.
To fill the horrible gap in yourself, you were searching for something too.
Something your "enlightened" lifestyle doesn't and won't ever provide you.
You fool yourself into thinking you are strong and secure; but inside you feel worthless, unlovable, weak, pathetic.
I asked him what you "Added" to his life exactly and he couldn't answer it.
You are weak and injured and selfish and narsisstic and stupid.
The only one with worse self esteem than him is you.

I could see it in your eyes when you had the sick need to come into my house to meet me before I knew about all this.
You came to size me up.
But when you left, you knew and I knew the status of the other,
you don't compare to me, you knew I was a better woman than you would ever be.
And maybe then was the moment you realized how pathetic and cheap and typical your affair was.
He doesn't really love you.
It was sex and excitement and neediness and trying to fill your mutual insecurity.
And If you truly loved him, you wouldn't have let him risk the rest of his life.Rip apart a family. Two little kids.
Now the life he knew was over.
And the life you knew was over.
You might think you will have a life with him because he can't repair what he did to our family.
But he will only realize how horribly he down graded to you,
and resent you,
and hate you for all he lost.
And then you both have nothing.
but especially you.

Did you just step into our life? How do you know so much about my WH and his OW? Seriously, I could have written this. Oh. My. Word. Thank you for your uncanny insight.

Love the part about getting the worst part of him.

I feel that way. Its where the great mind fuck is in all of this. WH appeared to be giving his best to OW but she was getting him at the lowest, dirtiest point in his life. She got nothing but a hairy worm.

Our adult daughters told me, "We got the best of him; she gets the worst of him along with the 'caretaking' years." And they were / are right. The man he has lowered himself to become isn't much of a prize. The bimbo gets the liar and the thief.... oh, wait ! XH got the same thing in her ! Justice served ? !

Very nice! I especially love the part about

You thought you had the best of him, but really you were accepting the worst of him

That is very true,I never really thought of that before. Thank you for posting this.

You nailed it.

Yeah!!! I'm going to print that out.

Bravo!

The weird thing is that it is so common. I thought this situation was so incredulous that it could be a book or a movie. I can't believe it has happened to so many people out there. It makes me sad for humanity. People are capable of being so selfish and of hurting the ones they love so deeply. I feel pretty much nothing for him now. All the posters seem ready to want the cheater back, for remorse, to get to forgiveness. I just feel nothing for him. I don't think I could love him again. Ever. The trust is gone. I don't think there is ever any going back. He was with someone else for 1.5 years. He lied 1000's of times. Every day. He had her come into my house. Meet my children. Had her meet me, before I knew. It was sick sick sick. Even when he finally told me- and he told me in the worst possible way that was all about him and not at all about what was best for me- he was saying he still loved her. He wanted to have us both. Every day I learned something new and disturbing. About this person who I had a great life with, a good marraige, a happy family. I don't even know him. I feel violated. I feel numb. Who else feels just done???

Thank you for writing and posting this. It is sad that the details may differ for each A, but the emotions are so similar for every BS.