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LA44 (original poster member #38384) posted at 11:18 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013
So I picked up the Sept. issue of In Style mag excited to see what is coming up in the world of fashion and came across a spread featuring actress, Yunjin Kim of the ridiculous series, Mistresses. On page 240 she gives tips for cheaters. Sure she is just playing a role but for In Style to print this is classless to say the least. I sent them a letter and I encourage you to write the mag and let them know what you think at, letters@instylemag.com
Below is my contribution.
Let our voices be heard!
As a regular long-time reader I cannot tell you how utterly disappointed I was to read Yunjin Kim's, "Cheat Sheet" tips for those having an affair. Affairs are not sexy or cute or "mischievous". If you think they are then imagine how sexy it is when your spouse, kids, friends, fill in the blank, find out. And they always do. Kim might be playing a role in a TV drama (after all she has been happily married for a staggering three years) but printing tips to cheat is not at all classy and not what I have come to expect from In Style. Sorry you took this approach for an otherwise beautiful issue.
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
Wonderingwhy11 ( member #34782) posted at 11:44 PM on Sunday, August 11th, 2013
I agree with you. I think more people need to ban things that promote dishonesty and disrespect.
Since WH's A I notice anything related to affairs. I never realized how much about cheating is around our everyday life. I think reading about tips to have affairs, shows about mistress and media attention on cheating desensitizes the effects of cheating on relationships and families. It makes it seem ok because others are cheating and media is exploiting cheating.
WH told me cheating was common in the business/friends he hung around with. The sad reality is that is the start of the slippery slope.
I wonder what happened to values and honesty. Maybe I am naïve. Maybe I believe in something that is becoming rare - honesty, respect and family over money and popularity.
Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15
Gotta love the life that we livin'
LA44 (original poster member #38384) posted at 12:00 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I am with you WW11 - we are a small group but we can be proud.
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 12:03 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
Ask them when they plan to print handy tips for identity theft.
womaninflux ( member #39667) posted at 12:08 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
To add to Still Going, upcoming issues should include:
Tips on how to get through Marriage Counseling when you have been sh*t upon by someone you knew and trusted.
Tips on addressing your kids' anxiety issues that resulted from a parent's absence and fog during the affair.
Tips on picking the most kick ass divorce lawyer.
Tips on picking the perfect revenge affair partner.
BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"
Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 3:41 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
The mainstreaming of infidelity chaps my butt. LA I love that you took action. I'm all over it. Who is advertising in the pages surrounding the article? Let them know too.
40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.
Done_withThePain ( member #34273) posted at 5:00 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
O really thanks for the info I work in retail and tomorrow I'm going straight to that magazine and taking it off my shelves and returning all copies- oops looks like another magazine prime spot will be free for any other magazine 
stronger08 ( member #16953) posted at 9:08 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I hate that infidelity is not only tolerated in the media. But its actually glorified and encouraged by these same outlets. So lets take an alternative ending to Ms. Kim's article.
WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO GET GRAPHIC AND GORY. PLEASE STOP NOW IF YOUR NOT IN A GOOD PLACE. IN NO WAY DO I CONDONE OR SUPPORT THIS ACT OF FICTION. YET IT DOES HAPPEN
Mrs. Smith happens to read this article. She wants to feel all empowered and sexy just like how its portrayed on TV. So she sets out to have an affair. She goes to the local watering hole and find Mr. Jones. He is no stranger to infidelity. In fact Jones actually prefers the sexual company of married women. He finds its easier for him to seek out another mans wife as the NSA sex comes with little effort on his part. All Jones has to do is listen to Mrs. Smith complain about how boring and inattentive her husband is. Jones simply has to lie and pretend to be the opposite of Mr. Smith to ensnare his prey. After all its not like Mr. Smith cares as he is working 60+ hours a week to support his family.
So Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones start having an A. Pretty soon she is all caught up in her fantasy and starts acting out. Now Mr. Smith knows something so wrong and suspects his W is having an A. But in the back of his mind he knows that she loves him and their children and would never do anything to hurt their family. But one night he asks what is wrong and she says nothing. He asks if she is having an A and she naturally assures him that she would never do that. What kind of a person does he think she is ? She is pissed off at his accusations and promptly leaves their bedroom and starts sleeping in the guest room. Mr. Smith feels like shit for asking his W that question and worries that his suspicions will ruin his M. He starts questioning his own behaviors and takes the burden of what's going on as his problem. That how she is behaving must be due to something he has been neglecting or has had no time to accomplish as he works half his life away so Mrs. Smith can be a SAHM.
So Mr. Smith proceeds to try and change himself to make his W happier. Yet whatever he does don't work. His W is basically a stranger to him. As he thinks the problems are his he allows her more freedom. She naturally jumps at the chance to engage her A partner Mr. Jones more often under the guise of going out with the girls. Or any of the million other excuses she uses to get out of the house. Some times passes and the M simply is not getting better and Smith asks he W again what's going on ? She in turn assures him that she just needs some time and space to figure things out. Smith does not like this idea but as he thinks its all his fault he goes along with it. Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones now ramp up the A. They are taking more risks and their behaviors are just out of control. Rumors and stories start trickling back to Mr. Smith but he ignores them as he thinks his W is trying to find herself. Smith starts to lose weight and does not feel good. He knows something is wrong as his gut is screaming at him. But his heart tells him everything is fine. That he has spoken to his W and she has assured him that she is not cheating on him.
One day at work Mr. Smith is not feeling too good. His long time employer has noticed he does not look to good and has not been acting like his usual self. He sends him home and instructs Smith to take a few days off to get himself together. Smith does not like this but he has no choice. So he makes the best of it and proceeds home to rest and figure out what to do next. Upon arrival at his house Smith see a strange car in his driveway. He figures his W must have a friend over or something like that. He opens the door and spies an open bottle of wine with 2 glasses beside it. This is unusual as its only 11:00 am. In a short time he hears strange noises coming from his bedroom. He naturally fears that something harmful is happening to his W and goes to the closet in the hallway. He grabs the .45 Colt he keeps in there for his family's protection and loads the clip and chambers a round. As he slowly starts up the stairs the sounds are getting louder. They are the unmistakable sounds of sex. His heart pumping and a million thoughts going through his mind he bursts into the room and finds his W having passionate sex with Mr. Jones in his house, in the bed his children were conceived on. In a millisecond he finally figures out what has been wrong. He is confused, hurt and not thinking straight. He raises the .45 up and before Jones can say a word he places 2 rounds into him. Jones falls off of his mistress and hits the floor dead. Mrs. Smith now hysterical tries to convince her H that what he just saw is not what's been going on. That's its all a misunderstand and can explain. But Smith knows what he saw and raises up the Colt another time and shoots his W as well. She drops back onto the bed she was just seconds before engaged in passionate sex on. She gurgles a short few words that Smith does not understand and dies. Mr. Smith now realizes the scope of what just happened and panics. He runs downstairs and sits on his couch still clutching the pistol he just shot and killed his W and her lover with. Knowing that life as he knows it is over he raises the pistol to his head and pulls the trigger. Thus ending this sad and tragic story.
Now like Ms. Kim's story this is fiction as well. But it shows the other side of infidelity. The one that the mass media does not glorify and promote. But it can and does happen. And the saddest part is that all of it could be avoided. Affairs are not so sexy or glamorous when things like this happen. Perhaps Ms. Kim should think about these scenarios as well.
You cant eat soup with chopsticks.
RidingHealingRd ( member #33867) posted at 9:35 AM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I found this to be very disturbing and sent my note off to the editor:
Re: Cheat Sheet, tips on cheating.
Why would the editor of a magazine like In Style find it necessary to condone infidelity? A behavior that is deeply hurtful, extremely destructive, and completely selfish. Would you also publish tips on how best to bully others, how to steal from your employer, how to cheat on your taxes? What makes you think that offering tips on ways to cheat on your spouse or significant other is worthy of an article/space in your magazine?
I am deeply offended by this and hope that in the future you think twice about approving something so offensive and insensitive. A more constructive article would have explored the damage/destruction that infidelity brings to a relationship.
ME: 60 BS
HIM: 67 WH
Married: 35 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 10 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
WoundedOpus ( member #39521) posted at 2:46 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I haven't seen the article (of which I'm sure is the biggest piece of garbage), but after seeing Stronger08's version, I'm curious as hell!
Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Seven years of Limbo
“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman
TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 3:13 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I can't begin to count the number of times I have gotten up and stopped watching a show or stopped reading a book because I can no longer tolerate the general acceptance in society over infidelity. Yes, some shows actually show it in the light it deserves but others blatantly show nothing wrong with it or that it is a simple fact of life.
There is nothing SIMPLE about infidelity, especially for those who are dealing with the issue on a personal level.
T
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
LA44 (original poster member #38384) posted at 10:03 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
Good for you RidingHealingRd for writing a letter. Your comments were amazing! And I LOVE that Done/Pain is taking the mag off the shelf. That's a HUGE move. I hope you write them Done to let them know you did that!
Good idea re: writing advertisers Tripletrouble. They have so many - most related to the beauty industry.
Ironic how UGLY this all is for a mag devoted primarily to beautiful people and the products being peddled. Just goes to show...beauty is on the inside!
Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear
TrulySad ( member #39652) posted at 11:05 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013
I too will send off a letter. How sad. But honestly, it doesn't surprise me. I see it everywhere. It's one of the reasons I stopped watching tv/movies. I can't bring myself to find a show that uses sex and/or infidelity as entertainment.
Me : no longer a BW or BGF. Starting over!
Them : in the past, where they can stay.
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