Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: farmgrl (61811)

User Topic: Is this cheating ?
♀ 40279
Member # 40279
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband has been acting very strange for awhile, so I decided to start checking his phone and internet history ect, I ended up finding out that he has been visiting a dating site.

I got a good friend of mine who works in IT to look into it and told me that he has been visiting the site quite often for months, should I concerned ? or confront him ? I'm confused, I don't want to lose my family of please, thanks

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:42 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]

Posts: 1 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: USA
♀ 35862
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To be blunt, you don't go to a dating site when you're married to just make friends.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

Me: BS H: WS
4 kids
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 973 | Registered: Jun 2012
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. It is cheating. Men don't create accounts on dating sites to meet tennis partners.

They do it to have affairs.

Even if he has not advanced to physical affairs, devoting emotional energy to corresponding, talking with, doing ANYTHING AT ALL with women to whom he is not married is, in fact, CHEATING.

I'm so, so sorry.

BS-me, 55; WX-irrelevant
Divorced after an eternity
"So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tenn

Posts: 15343 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do YOU think it is cheating? Is this OK with you?

Posts: 1426 | Registered: Sep 2010
♀ 21886
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW here. IMO if he isn't cheating now, he's looking to. As Flatlined said, you don't go on a dating site to make friends unless it's "friends with benefits". If you confront him, be prepared for minimizing and gaslighting - "it's not what you think" "just curious" "it's not *really* cheating if we 'just talk' and don't meet" etc. Bottom line is if he's giving attention to another woman that he should be giving YOU then it's cheating.

BH Cee64D - 50
FWW (me) - 51

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 6165 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ditto what previous posters said that even if he hasn't met anyone in person, it is cheating.

I would go a step furhter and say that in very rare circumstances do they not go and meet up with someone.

Be prepared for the:

"I'm just curious" or "I wanted to meet new people." This is not a friend's site.

I caught my XWH on Adult Friend Finder (a swinger's type site). He stuck to the "I was curious" and "It was just a lark." I believe he met with people on there.

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15607 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh started out with online dating sites, moved to online sites like aff, then moved to meeting up with women for sex. It's cheating and you should definitely be prepared for gas lighting. I strongly suggest setting boundaries and going to individual and marriage counseling

BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH started with looking on dating sites, then collecting phone numbers and emails in hotel bars while traveling. Eventually he hooked up with a conference whore (female attendee who sees an out of town conference as a chance to party and get laid) at a work conference.

Cheating? Yes. If he's not doing it with your knowledge and permission, he knows it is wrong and needs to be hidden. It is betrayal.

Me - BS
WH - old
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1569 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 33867
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is either actively cheating or setting the ground work to cheat.

Either easy this is a HUGE red flag.

ME: 57 BS
HIM: 64 WH
Married: 32 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 6 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2441 | Registered: Nov 2011
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it's cheating. I also think of this as setting the stage.

In my mind and some friends, soon as he got the idea to hit that key on his keyboard, it was cheating. I know it may be an extreme way of thinking, but it's thought of as going outside of your marriage at all.

And, very disrespectful to you, your family and children, if you have them.

I'm really sorry.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 39858
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My WH had multiple accounts on multiple sites, and engaged in at least 1 ONS with an OW he found through one of them.

And he says "I listed my status as married." As though that makes it okay. At least he's being honest with the OW. Because being honest with the OW is all that matters, I suppose.

But those OW from the sites who selectively choose married men to seduce get an ego boost knowing they've been able to get the attention of someone who is "supposedly" unavailable.

So she gets his honest status AND an ego boost.

And I get this.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 15 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently, the fact that he's going to dating websites means you already have lost your precious family of three. That ship has sailed.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 35813
Member # 35813
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, it is cheating, and most definitely shows the intent to cheat. I wish I would have taken it more serious when I found my ex-husbands adult friend finder profile 11 years ago. I remember confronting him and he managed to explain it away, saying he was making a profile for his dad. How I fell for that excuse I don't know because it seems so obvious now that even back then, when we were only dating, he was already lying to me and looking for hookups! I believe now that he was already sleeping with other women back then. Fast forward to now, I discovered him having an affair last year and filed for divorce. Basically I wasted my child bearing years on a lying piece if shit, ignoring all warning signs because all I wanted was love and a family. Ironically he couldn't father any children. How convenient for a serial cheater. Please, please don't ignore the red flags. Your heart and health isn't worth it. What if he is hooking up with other women? Go get STD tests. I have been there and done that, and as much as it is stressful it was a huge relief for me to know I am clean even though my ex was with numerous other women the whole time we dated and were married.

I am sorry this is happening to you but I am glad you found us. There is some very strong collective wisdom here.

Me: BW 38, Him: WH 37
M: 07/07/07
DDay: 06/09/12
Divorce Granted on December 5, 2012 - fasted divorce ever (thanks to my good lawyer) and I am not looking back with ANY regrets!!

Ipad user sorry for any spelling errors or missing letters etc..... ty

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Alberta
♂ 40075
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep---its cheating. Like BCEMS, I was a sucker for a looong time (5 yrs. her 1st A)I had my head up my tail for so long, its friggin' amazing. But, when you trust, you trust, and its hard to see the red flags. Wify, sorry to say this, but this is a bigtime red flag.
Hang in there; we have your back!

Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ws has them in his web history and I don't know if he's looking, talking, or sexing but the fact that he's gone in more than once is cheating in my book. Curiosity?? Perhaps but why be curious about single women looking for men or married women looking for affairs. If he's looking, he's considering..Jmo
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 15

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.