I've been thinking about this and am curious if others had similar situation and how they seem to cope.
My dad was a WS 28 years ago when I was 16 years old. It continued for several years. I was the one who discovered it and then my Mom did, too. It was pure hell on earth living in that household until I moved out.
I suddenly found myself being the "mother" to my 14 year old sister and confidant to my Mom as she tried to cope with my Dad's affair. My Dad also came to me when he needed to confide information about the OW/affair/wanting to divorce my mom. HORRIBLE. I would hope no one else ever puts their kids in that same position. but that's another topic....
With my own situation currently underway I found myself suddenly relieving those painful years.
My IC tells me that in addition to my own current situation, I am also reliving the pain of that terrible time so many years ago because it wasn't properly dealt with. My parents never went to counseling and neither did my sister or I. They are of the "stoic" era and we were told to move on with our lives as if it never happened. It was never mentioned again by my parents.
my sister and I have discussed it over the years but never with my parents. never did I think it would come up again like this.
My Dad recently wanted to come visit and I had to tell him that now wasn't a good time. He got upset and hung up the phone on me...avoiding the situation just like he did all those years ago. But he is a major trigger for me right now and I just couldn't face a visit with him right now. I feel guilty over that but it can't be helped right now.
My IC is telling me I am handling things just fine. But sometimes I don't feel "fine". I feel out of sorts because I'm not sure if I'm trying to figure out my current situation or trying to reconcile that horrible time in my life so many years ago. IC says it's a combination because it wasn't dealt with properly back then and it's now bubbled back to surface.
My parents do not know the details of what is going on (live 1500 miles away) and I've been reluctant to tell them because I know it will be a major trigger for them, too. At 73, they don't need to relive those horrible years just because I'm going through something similar. and even if they did know, they'd probably give me the same advice..."move on with life".
it's rugsweeping, by my parents, at it's finest. That's another FOO issue I'm dealing with, too.
I am going to talk with IC at tomorrow's session but I am curious if anyone else has faced similar situation? if your parents were WS/BS and you are now facing the same? do your parents know what you are currently going through? are they supportive of decisions you are making? or do they try to make the decisions for you based on their own personal situation they faced?
remember my parents are rugsweepers - everything looks nice and clean from the outside looking in - so they just might deny it ever occurred. And I probably know more about the whole damn thing than either one of them do since I was both of their confidant. how messed up was that??
I'm trying to reconcile past issues with current issues. my IC says they are intertwined because of never having the means to fully deal with it 28 years ago. I don't know if they can really be untangled at this point. What a mess.
sorry for the rambling post but my mind is scattered tonight going over all these things. just wondering if anyone else has similar situation and how you cope