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Dying inside...

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AStar posted 8/12/2013 08:08 AM

It feels as if I am dying inside of myself. I have put in place the 180 and my STUPID CHEATING BASTARD H thinks everything is ok!!
He can laugh and joke and talk as if life is normal. I hate him for this.
I don't talk to him about his affair/(s), I don't nag, I don't cry, I don't ask for details... I just get on with my life.
I don't engage him first. I don't answer back when he says "I love you." (To me it sounds like "Dumb bitch has forgiven my deceit".)
He can not tell the difference- that he is with a shell of a person and it kills me!!

Jennifer99 posted 8/12/2013 09:19 AM


Isn't it amazing how very clueless they can be?

As I learned to enjoy the 180-me, I found myself thankful that I got to see him as he really very selfish. Then it is just on me to decide if I want that kind of selfish in my life.

There was a lot of me thinking "HOW can he not...", "WHY doesn't he see....", "Is he REALLY that dense?"....

IC helped me sort out the doubts in myself for feeling so very opposite him wondering if I was the crazy one.

Be good to yourself. Maybe think of it as expectations or illusions dying inside not yourself.


sunflowergirl30 posted 8/12/2013 09:28 AM

He can tell. He is lying to himself. Seriously isnt that what a cheaters mentality is all about. Its easier for him to just act as if everything's all good. Imo, he knows its not and he knows your not. Living his with a shell of the woman you had been..

Hes a selfish fool and he knows it. Hes just to stupid and selfish to really do anything about it. Or at least that describes my wh.

Ashland13 posted 8/12/2013 09:38 AM

This happens here, too and I feel your pain. Part of me died when "our" marriage ended, for I was the proverbial SAHM and felt alive when he and our daughter came home. I had a life too, but it was small and quiet and I think got too boring for him.

I'm working on a hard 180 as you are and suffering withdrawal, but am proud of myself when I can do it longer and longer. Now, when I don't answer, he will ask, "Is your phone broken again?" Sometimes I make excuses because it's easier and it's an old cell phone so does go in and out of battery use more often.

Anyway, what I've heard from several counselors and even my lawyer is that this is how our WH's live with themselves after what they've done. And Nearly Exh here has put very heavy blame on me, blaming me for every problem he ever had in his life. Well, he's still having some pretty big problems and I'm hundreds of miles away and silent!

Yes, I get your drift of the "shell of a person" and have also heard it called a "pod person". I think of Nearly Exh like that, in kind of an alien, outer space sort of way.

I'm sorry for your hurt-and everyone's here-and I believe that he does understand but doesn't want to deal with it.

simplydevastated posted 8/12/2013 09:45 AM

I think you're right that he probably doesn't see it. He may be thinking "Yes! She finally got over it! All is right in the world." All he has done is successfully swept it under the rug.

Everyone has decisions to make with regards to infidelity and their relationships. You have yours and I have mine. What works for me, at the moment, so people may strongly disagree with and not understand, but it's my road, my decision.

You have to take a step back and evaluate what YOU need and will make YOU happy. You're not dying inside, you've just gone into a little cocoon and someday soon you'll emerge a beautiful, strong butterfly.

It's all up to you. What do YOU want?

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