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And I don't blame her. I can't expect her to stay after I've destroyed her and in turn destroyed our family. I have torn her apart, I have shattered her. She is a ghost of the person she once was. And I am the cause. If our roles were reversed I would have left before now. I never knew I had it in me to hurt someone so badly and thoroughly. I have no idea how I'm going to live with myself for the rest of my life. I know I can go through the motions and be there for our kids, but other than that I am fucked. Which honestly is the least of my worries...my main concern is her and how I can possibly help her heal to become who she once was. She is beautiful. She is kind. She is everything I ever wanted and because of my own selfishness and shitty behaviors she is leaving. She put up with me during my active alcoholism for years. I was so verbally and emotionally abusive and awful. I am sick over all of it. I broke her. I broke the person I love and promised to take care of and protect. I don't need any responses to this. I just needed to vent.

Saying a prayer for your kids, your wife and for you.

Stay the course, continue to become the man your children will need. They will have a tough road ahead and they will need the best of you.

Sending prayers your way and hoping it's not permanent!