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huRtZ413 posted 8/12/2013 13:24 PM

so looking back WH dating history is all over the place on "type" he dates all sizes shapes and races . they never lasted past a year and some relationship he cheated and some they cheated on him or some were mutual breakups . he started dating really young and had sex at a young age and had maybe 6-7 sexual partners i really dont know as it wasnt a big topic getting together hes experienced a threesome in his teen years( to which he says i didnt know what i was doing ) anyways as far as the cheating he said that those relationship were never serious so he took cheating lightly but never lied about it always told his current GF if he did and then he would choose to end it even if the GF wanted to give it a another shot ....then he met me when he was 17 yup all that crap happened before he even hit 17 anyways we began to date i was a virgin and i gave it to him time went on his mother loved me said he changed lots since meeting me for the better stopped drugs and skipping school and he would talk endlessly about me and got into the military(for me) he wanted to be able to support me cause he wanted marriage with me.....im his first mature relationship so now im thinking because im his first adult relationship he has no idea how to be a good partner and thats why he cheated because he doesnt know how to communicate . he admitted to thinking things would work themselves out that you shouldn't have to work on a marriage that it should work on its own if you love each other. how it it that i knew better than that and he was my first relationship period

ILINIA posted 8/12/2013 14:18 PM

Our MC/IC couselor specializes in men issues and has taught college classes on men and relationships, stress, fathering, and sex. It has been interesting to hear his perspective.

In short, he believes many men do not grow up with role models who express emotion, instead it is more "what you do" verses "how does it make you feel". Therefore, we have all these boys who think being good at sports define them and then they grow up and it becomes their job and sex life that defines them. Other men feed into this, as there is this competition to being a "good" man which translates into earning money and have great sex. Emotionally, they are immature. They don't share what is bothering them, have no idea how to share it, therefore their insecurities grow and they start feeling inferior. As a protection, this can turn into almost a narcissistic/selfish attitude.

He says many of them will "fall" first before they grow up.

I don't know if I believe it all, but it is the pattern my WH followed.

As for his dating history, I would say he was late to the game, as he did not start until college and then married his college sweetheart and then divorced shortly thereafter. I don't think he ever had the skills with any of his relationships including our marriage.

I still get mad that we could have resolved his issues with one conversation, instead he has an A to boost his ego.