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New Beginnings :
What Should I Do Tonight?

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frustrated

 ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 7:27 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

Today is my 24th almostversary and I’m trying to figure out what to do with myself this evening. Though I’m holding up pretty well today (work will do that for ya) I know later in the evening is when it’ll get tough.

The last thing I want to do is go all Lindsay Lohan on a bottle of Tanqueray and wake up with a headache tomorrow. This isn’t my first rodeo with this date, but for some reason I find myself in a funk.

We had a nice tradition of heading to the restaurant owned by the folks who put our reception together for our annual anniversary dinner. We’d plan for it and spurge and it was always quite nice, and 9 times out of 10, these friends would join us for dessert and/or a night cap. I thought about going there for some cocktails and appetizers, but technically he got them in the divorce (he helps their son coach a basketball team) and it might look funny with me being there alone as it’s a little late to round up a peep to join me.

So friends, should I meet up with some pals for the weekly Monday Night 45¢ Wing Night and some brewski’s (after all, Leine’s Summer Shandy season is almost over) at the local watering hole just to be with people ... OR ... should I head to the grocery store on the way home, grab a nice steak, hit up the Redbox, put on my uglies and just chill over a good dinner and relax?

Or???...

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 1:28 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 7:33 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

I vote that you look up the nicest massage place in town and book one for tonight.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 7:38 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

I vote that you look up the nicest massage place in town and book one for tonight.

If you do, be sure to ask for Sven.

Are you feeling social? Uncertain? I think you should plan yourself space and comfort so you can take whatever comes without concern or embarrassment.

And they do sell Leine's at the grocery store, you know. You can get the summer shandy AND the nice steak.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
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gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

Go with the friends if you're up to it. You'll have a few laughs and that is always a good thing.

Gma

BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

posts: 20502   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2008   ·   location: Closer to where I want to be..
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Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 7:40 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

I'd do the wing night, but you also need to reclaim that anniversary spot. It will continue to haunt you until you make some new memories there. Maybe set something up to today to go reclaim it next week.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

posts: 3640   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2011   ·   location: The Valley of the Sun
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HURTAGAIN1981 ( member #35178) posted at 7:45 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

I vote going for a few drinks with friends. It will eliminate any chance of you getting caught up in your thoughts if you stay home. Go out, have fun and forget. The day will soon be over and it will be tomorrow before you know it.

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persevere ( member #31468) posted at 7:46 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

I think I'd make myself join friends if I was even slightly inclined. You'll laugh, have some fun, and I think it will help cushion the impact.

I've done the Lohan thing too, and especially on dates like this, always regretted.

((ajs))

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.

posts: 5329   ·   registered: Mar. 9th, 2011
id 6445183
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burnt_toast ( member #16891) posted at 9:29 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

Why not combine the massage and the friends suggestions and book a day at the spa with a couple of GFs?

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

posts: 4996   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2007
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nutmegkitty ( member #33882) posted at 9:44 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

If I were in your shoes, I'd head to the local place to be among friends.

Alternately, a massage or mani/pedi is a nice way to relax and treat yourself.

Me - happy!
2 DDs

Very happily divorced from an NPD since 2013.

posts: 4401   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2011   ·   location: MA
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gypsybird87 ( member #39193) posted at 9:50 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

This may sound weird, but whichever you feel more inclined to do, do the opposite.

For me at least, I've found that the times I don't feel like being with people are the times I really should... because if I follow my inclination and stay home alone, then I have a bad night. Emotional, lonely, pity party etc. Ugh.

Times I'm eager to be with people are usually okay, though sometimes it can get overwhelming and I feel drained, like the effort of being "up" and "on" is too much. If you go out be sure you have the option/ability to cut the night short if you need to (ie- drive your own car vs riding with a friend who may want to stay out later).

Whatever you decide, hope you have a wonderful night!

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

posts: 1857   ·   registered: May. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Oregon
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FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 10:28 PM on Monday, August 12th, 2013

Wings, beer, friends.

And make a plan to go have dinner at that other place another night.

Time to reclaim.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21594   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6445412
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NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 4:14 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

I hope you had a beautiful evening of friends and peace and 'self'.

Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.

posts: 1260   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2012   ·   location: a state of consciousness
id 6445816
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hexed ( member #19258) posted at 6:06 AM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

Thinking of you tonight. Some days are just hard no matter how much time has passed. I hope you've found some peace and perhaps a little happy tonight

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

posts: 9609   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2008
id 6445907
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nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:30 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

Thinking of you this morning, ajsmom.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6446093
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 ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 2:44 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

I chose the steak and movie.

As the afternoon wore on, I just felt like not being around people. The place we go is busy and loud (especially with cheap wings as the draw) and I knew I'd get "Gee, what's wrong, AJ's Mom?" all evening. You all know how difficult it is to retell your story over and over.

I headed to the grocery store and bought a nice beef tenderloin and grilled it myself. Rico always had the grilling duties, so it was a wee bit intimidating. Yet, after Googling "how long to let coals get ready on a grill" I was ready.

Ta da!:

I picked up a Redbox movie (Admission with Tina Fey and Paul Rudd - pretty good, actually) and totally chilled.

I made it. I didn't cry, nor think about him/us much and here I am - a new day in front of me.

Thanks for all the hugs and support, peeps. I swear, this is the best community to be a part of despite how I got here.

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 6446169
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 2:47 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6446174
default

nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:57 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

That dinner looks AMAZING. Well done, you!

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

posts: 40250   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2011
id 6446188
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 ajsmom (original poster member #17460) posted at 3:01 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

Thanks!

I sent a photo of it to AJ and he responded" "way to own it :) "

I learned a bit too. I used so much charcoal, I could have grilled a whole cow.

So, now I know...

Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
One AMAZING DS - 34

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 6446193
default

FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 3:03 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

That steaks looks fantastic.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

posts: 21594   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2008   ·   location: Canada
id 6446194
default

NoTriangles ( member #35985) posted at 3:19 PM on Tuesday, August 13th, 2013

Yum!! Glad you took care of you...

Me: Finding my SunlightHim: Traitor in my FoxholeLet go or get dragged.

posts: 1260   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2012   ·   location: a state of consciousness
id 6446223
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