It seems the overwhelming majority of people who discover their partner is having or had an affair, want to know why and how could they.
We don't understand how someone we loved and trusted, many times for years, could have treated us so badly. And by badly, I mean the lies, the sneaking, the money, the attention, the love, they showed for this other person.
For this other person when we had been with them through thick and thin, had raised children with them, had nurtured them, had been their cheer leader, and then they just treat us like none of our feelings mattered in the least to them.
It has been described as like a drug, unreality, a bubble, compartmentalizing, etc., etc., but it still doesn't make a lot of sense.
I think a lot about this and recently I remember an incident that happened when I was a teenager that I think might apply.
My senior year in high-school I was very much in love (lust) with my boyfriend. I had great parents, loving, supportive, and I especially was very close to my mother.
I got very sick with mono that year and ended up in the hospital. My mother was worried to death because the had first suspected luekemia, so she would come quite often and I was glad to see her.
But one evening, my boyfriend was there when she came and I was SO cold to her. I was annoyed that she interferred with our grand romance. I can see the look on her face to this day and it still makes me ill to think of it, but that night I just didn't care. She left looking very hurt and I never apologized to her later on when I had some sense.
I think most of us have forgotten how powerful lust is and how it clouds everything. It is a bright-white-light and it blinds us to anything else. Fortunately it does not usually last very long in a relationship or we would all be in an insitution.
Anyway, it just occurred to me, maybe that is what is going on with the waywards. They just can not see anything thing else for a time. Of course when that light goes out and they look around at the carnage that they caused, they are many times horrified, just as I was horrified for hurting my mom so much.
Don't jump all over me now for excusing waywards. It was just a thought that popped up in my endless quest to explain that "why and how."