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Nothing really was sacred, was it?

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getting_stronger posted 8/12/2013 15:57 PM

This is going to sound SO petty, but I can't help it.

I found out a few days ago after looking through his phone, that he called her Princess. That's the name he has called me since I was 12 years old. That was MY pet name. He called me princess more than he called me by my name. And now he ruined it for me.

somanyyears posted 8/12/2013 16:37 PM


..

..there's nothing 'petty' about having one's life totally fucked over..

....

And now he ruined it for me.

smy..

RidingHealingRd posted 8/12/2013 17:59 PM

Absolutely NOT petty.

My WH never calls me by my real name, never...always a pet name. I would HATE to learn that he defiled my name by sharing it with his AP.

Yes, he did ruin it for you. Yet another thing destroyed by infidelity. Sometimes it feels as if it NEVER ends.

{{{getting_stronger}}}

hear-me-roar posted 8/12/2013 18:05 PM

I wish I could make your hurt go away. To me, it is not petty to be hurt deeply when you know your spouse used any endearing terms for someone else. It is even more hurtful in your situation. That was your treasured loving name for so long of time. To have it given so lightly to someone else, it just leaves you empty and questioning, "how could he".
Please don't go for long in reconciliation before letting him know this. I fear that now, everytime you hear "Princess", it will build-up inside to keep you down. I never want to be called by the two names I read in my husband's emails to her ("Sweetheart" and "My Love"). I had to explain to him and ask that he no longer use them in the cards he gives to me. I did it in my hear-me-whisper voice, not hear-me-roar. It has been seven years since my D-day. Things are great, but things are still stuck fresh in my head like it was yesterday. I just come here, the few times I need, to be with "my own kind". I know he feels bad of it all.
I'm not sure if what you found on the phone is new info or left from before. Either way, that sounds like a discussion to have. His keeping it still on the phone is no help for reconciliation. I wish you strength and the right words to say to explain it to him.

getting_stronger posted 8/12/2013 18:40 PM

He didn't keep it on his phone- he deleted the text messages. Sadly, with an iPhone, you can search certain words and they will pop up, even if they are deleted. So that's how I discovered it.

He's being honest and transparent about everything. Doing everything he is supposed to do. But to actually see it in writing, when it wasn't written to me, hurt.

Yakamishi posted 8/12/2013 19:16 PM

Same here. WW and I called each other sweetie since day one off or 19 year marriage. The same name she and OM called each other.

Sucks. I'll never use it again.

ifinallyfoundme posted 8/12/2013 19:32 PM

Wait, it's not petty, but that's an old ploy to use the same pet name. They really aren't giving the AP special status, it's just easier to tack add another person to keep things straight and to keep from getting mixed up. She wasn't his Princess, u were.
We give too much power to the AP. He/she is with u not them. Your WW wants a life with U!

plainpain posted 8/12/2013 20:40 PM

I completely understand about feeling that nothing was sacred. I wish there was even one thing he said to himself, 'I can't do that... that's just going too far'. I think the truth is, he really didn't care about finding out what she liked, or what mattered to her. He didn't care about finding a name that was 'just for her'. He cared about knowing that everything he had been doing for ME all these years was actually as amazing as I had led him to believe.

I think they are lazy with the AP.. they just go with what they know works.

HFSSC posted 8/12/2013 20:44 PM

JM never called me by my name. Always a pet name that we used for each other.

When we began to move toward (false) R I noticed that he started calling me my name. After false R blew up I found love notes from OW calling him the same nickname. Pissed me right the f*** off.

After our true R began, I asked him if the reason he quit calling me the per name was because he had used it with her and he said yes. It made him uncomfortable. I told him that was too damn bad. That was MY name first and I wasn't allowing her to keep one single thing.

It was weird and it stung at first but I reclaimed my name.

Just another way of looking at it.

Scrn2008 posted 8/12/2013 22:00 PM

My wh did the same thing to me. I found out he would call her "beautiful" and that is what he always said to me. He use to sing me this song "loving you, is easy cuz you're beautiful." Now I cringe every time I hear that word. He definitely ruined that for me.

EtTuBrute posted 8/12/2013 22:49 PM

My WH called me Darlin' when being affectionate towards me. He hadn't called me that in years, but began using it again recently with me.

It turns out though, that he called his ex-wife that too, so I wouldn't be surprised if he said that to every woman he's ever been attracted to.

I tend to use "sweetie" and "hon," and I've used those terms in previous relationships, but when I use them now, I don't think of those people.

DoneWithLove posted 8/12/2013 23:49 PM

Nothing is sacred to a WS when they're living in a fantasy. My H took the OW to places she didn't belong, places that ment something to me that were opertune places for him to get away with his OW. Nothing is sacred, ever, for a WS.

RightTrack posted 8/13/2013 00:33 AM

He took her to the same show on the same beach where he had proposed to me fourteen years prior. {He also took me and the kids the week before he took her}

DoneWithLove posted 8/13/2013 01:28 AM

We all married real pieces of work, didn't we?! That's sad.

16forever posted 8/13/2013 03:31 AM

Iam pretty sure my WS have her his class ring because when he moved back home it wasn't with him , he said he gave it to her to keep safe .... Ummm even thow he took his SAFE with him to her house now why would u give it to her to keep safe then uh he also called her beautiful and her bought her flowers and took her to the movies and he took her to the hills to go shooting those were our things and then there the fact he told her he loved her and would some day Marry her that's were I think the ring went ... And he had given me that ring when we were first together

ifinallyfoundme posted 8/13/2013 07:19 AM

Nothing is sacred to a WS when they're living in a fantasy. My H took the OW to places she didn't belong, places that ment something to me that were opertune places for him to get away with his OW. Nothing is sacred, ever, for a WS.

No, I don't agree. One of the things that snapped my husband out of the fog was...he felt AP was trying to get pregnant. Who he chose to have his children with was sacred. He didn't care about her sexual fulfillment. I don't know how to say it but he didn't care about roughing up her lady parts. There were so many things he didn't do with AP. Yes somethings were sacred to the marriage and were saved. They just didn't have that comfort level.

Also because it was a fairy tale, she couldn't say no, or disagree or suggest he wasn't doing -insert act here here- correct.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 7:22 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

ifinallyfoundme posted 8/13/2013 07:27 AM

And he had given me that ring when we were first together

So she wasn't special enough for him to buy her a new ring? I'll bet if he buys her lingerie he probably took some of your old dirty ones and gave them to her too.

All I see here are a bunch of lazy WW to cheap and non creative to anything new and AP desperate for left overs. If I were the AP I'd be pissed to know I was given a used ring, a used name, and a used vacation.

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 7:28 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

struggling3 posted 8/13/2013 07:28 AM

I get the hurt...I would feel the same if I thought my H had ever called her "baby" as that is what he calls me 90% of the time. On the other hand, I agree with so many. They really have no imagination and just do what they have always done...easier for them and not calculated. The worst of it for us is how it takes away the "special" feeling we associate with the names.

bestbecameworst posted 8/13/2013 07:36 AM

I always just assumed he used the same pet names so that he wouldn't call me someone else's name by accident.

I now insist on being called by my real name - always.

And, I'm getting a divorce.

bbw

Undone1 posted 8/13/2013 09:35 AM

Isn't it amazing how many things are ruined because what we thought was sacred and ours turns out not to be true. For me, my fWH did many things with her, that were MINE! There is so much pain to muddle thru.

((getting_stronger))

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