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Newest Member: BlueNC (61468)

User Topic: Affair during Reconciliation.
♀ 38313
Member # 38313
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow what a blow!!! I was sure we were in reconciliation from the discovery of my husbands physical affairs in January. We were in marriage couselling and getting along, communicating, setting boudaries and the whole nine. But my GUT kept telling me something was wrong, and sure enough after checking his phone records I discovered he was also invovled and continuing in an emotional affair! She did not know he was married or anything about me.

He explains that he could not reveal the affair, because when in 2011 he worked really hard to get with her, told her so many lies, and took her virgininty, it was very difficult for him to tell her he wanted out. And because of my pain and grief over the physical affairs, he said he couldn't tell me about her...because he said he knew it was "The Big One". But he wanted to, at least thats what he says...

Since my discovery he has broken the affair and has had no contact. He is working hard to reconcile, in a way I have never seen before.....and he seems to be relieved that she is out of his life...but I am afraid. Terribly terribly afriad that this is another FR and that he will cheat again....and again...and again...

What do you think?

When the outlook is dark, the uplook is bright.

BS me(37) SA?WH(28)
Kids x4 (D)12,5,3 (S)8months
Married 7 years
DDay#1 January 4,2012DDay#2 January 11, 2012 (revealed 2 more OW ONS)
DDAy#3 TT February 6, 2013
DDay#4 EA 2yr July 8th 2103

Posts: 48 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a huge blow. I am so sorry you have gone through this painful experience.

I've become quite a proponent of listening to gut instincts in the last couple of years.

What is your gut telling you now?

Posts: 30659 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ 31349
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so hard to differentiate between our gut and our paranoia after everything we've been though.

Can the two of you talk about things he can do to offer solid reassurances? In the beginning I would have Crazz text me a picture of whatever I asked at any moment. If he had a late meeting, I would tell him to text me a picture of him crossing his fingers on the conference table and he would have 30 seconds to produce so that I could see he was in a meeting.

He was subjected to strip searches (didn't hurt that we were in HB ) and I could go through his car or garage any time I wanted, no questions asked.

It's not foolproof, but if he has the attitude that he's willing to do absolutely anything you asked then that's a good sign.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

Posts: 29076 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 3

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