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I Left Him Today

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IslandGirl18 posted 8/12/2013 17:25 PM

I thought we were reconciling. We had some great talks recently. We have been having a lot of fun together. But something just didn't seem right to me. It was a different feeling than when I thought he was cheating.

We talked Saturday night and it was great. He really opened up and told me how horrible he feels for hurting me so much. He understands that when I need to talk, it's not about rehashing the affair but about my healing process. We were meeting some friends and he said he wanted to finish talking later. So last night we went out and I asked him if he wanted to finish the conversation and he said he didn't want to have that talk there (we were in a public place). So we talked later that night. I really thought we were going to talk about us and how far we have come, how much we love each other. Our anniversary is this weekend and I was hoping to talk about doing something special.

Not what happened. He admitted to me that he loves me and really cares for me but does not feel romantic love for me. I asked him what that meant and he said all the things we used to do together, he doesn't feel it anymore. We had a week vacation last week and we stayed home and did different things each day. One day he said he was really bored. I said I was having a really nice time with him. When I asked him about that last night, he said that something was just really missing for him.

He admitted that he has held back his feelings because he is afraid of being hurt. I said I thought that was so unfair. He is the one who cheated, I forgave, I have committed 100%. He wants to stay together. He wants some space to heal.

I left him. I told him I cannot do this anymore. I am at my friend's house. Thank God I have a friend who will let me stay with her.

I am not devastated like I was at DDay. I have come a long way.

I did everything I possibly could. I am done.

karmahappens posted 8/12/2013 17:30 PM

(((IslandGirl18)))

Strength and prayers going your way.

Tred posted 8/12/2013 17:36 PM

Sending some good thoughts your way. Glad you have a good friend to stay with.

ineedtoleave posted 8/12/2013 17:41 PM

(((IslandGirl18))) It is time you put yourself first. We're here for you to help you stay strong.

Jrazz posted 8/12/2013 17:41 PM

I'm really sorry, and really proud of you.

(((IslandGirl18)))

NoTriangles posted 8/12/2013 17:43 PM

I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts.

Sending you lots of healing mojo, sweetie.

hobbeskat posted 8/12/2013 17:46 PM

Such love to you. You have been so brave.

RidingHealingRd posted 8/12/2013 17:46 PM

You took a very difficult, but necessary step forward...I too say, "I am proud of you"

I can only imagine the sadness you feel right now. I would have done the exact same thing...left him.

This is why I often say, WS needs to want R more than the BS.

{IslandGirl18}

brokensmile322 posted 8/12/2013 18:02 PM

Hugs Island Girl. You should be so proud of yourself. Look how far you have come from the first dday.

You deserve to be loved to the fullest. Better times will be coming your way!

Rebreather posted 8/12/2013 18:55 PM

Wow, you have really honored yourself and I am also proud of you. I am sorry it looks like R won't be your end, but you deserve more than what you are getting.

burnt_toast posted 8/12/2013 19:01 PM

Wow, that's an admirable gesture of self-love you just did. I know how hard this must have been after all you've invested in R.

Keep on being kind to yourself for the next days.

(((IslandGirl18)))

Skan posted 8/12/2013 19:54 PM

(((hugs))) I'm so proud that you put yourself first.

LA44 posted 8/12/2013 20:07 PM

What an incredibly difficult decision you made. I am glad you have a friend to stay with.

Here's to you IslandGirl18 and all the inner strength you possess.
LA

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