Last night a friend of mine texted me and told me that he's now a daddy. He found out on Facebook.
I didn't sleep all night because I tortured myself with the thought of his happy new family and how he was able to throw away 9 years just like that for someone he'd only known for 2 weeks.
And while he's posting pictures of her and their new baby, his relationship status still says married and he's made no mention of filling for divorce.
When will this emotional roller coaster end?
I'm sorry, honey. That's a rather dramatic drop to sit through. When things were most difficult for me, it sometimes helped to remember that for every fall on the rollercoaster, there was a rise ahead.
Sending you strength. ((((dbfree))))
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
I am sorry.
But
I tortured myself with the thought of his happy new family
let that ^^ go!!
It takes very expensive photography and selective memory to have a happy new family with a newborn. It is 10-12 diapers a day, little to no sleep, healing from the physical trauma of childbirth, arguing over whose turn it is to get up or resentful that it is ALWAYS your turn, exhaustion, too many guests, not enough guests, and did I mention the exhaustion?
(((hugs))) the roller coaster sucks.
Anyway, I know the day she gives birth will be really hard for me. Lots of hugs to you.
As the XMIL so ironically said to me once: "you never know what kind of father they'll be until its too late". I would add husband to that too.
((Douchebagfree)) Don't believe the view from the window - you were in that house once, you know the monster she has just had a child with. You are free of it - her sentence has just begun.
Changing the players DOES NOT change the game.
Both Fucktard and Troutface are 42. She has never been married, no kids but she wants them and I'm sure she feels the clock ticking. Fucktard has two kids from his first marriage who are now 17 and 15 and he does not want more children (he certainly does not want to repeat the demanding infant years nor be age 60 when they graduate high school.) I have no doubt he is selfishly stringing her along with avoidance tactics like "there is so much going on at my work since the merger, let's just table that for now" blah blah blah.
I see this playing out in one of two ways:
1) She gets sick of him stalling and finally makes an issue of defining what their "future" is. He will be fine with this because then he can say it was HER who ended things (he is a big giant coward).
OR
2) She 'accidentally' gets pregnant. Cue the resentment from the older kids as the new baby gets all the time, attention and resources. And of course, baby takes time and attention away from HIM, so he will seek validation elsewhere. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I promise you it isn't all rainbows and unicorns as they want all their FB friends to believe. (But you may want to stock up on popcorn at some point....)
It is what it is.
He dated me for 8 years, helped me raise 4 daughters thru the preteen and teen years. He loved my kids, when we ended, he wanted to keep in touch with them.
Unless my kids tell me or his sister, I won't know. And I'm ok with that.
