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User Topic: MC is going on a 2 week vacation
DoneWithLove
♀ 39380
Member # 39380
Shocked  Posted: 11:26 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thursday will be our last MC session for 2 weeks. What am I supposed to do when those days come around, what do we do? I thaught maybe writing down what I need to talk about and sit down with my H for an hour, as if we were in MC, and talk. Or just extend our date an hour. Or do nothing. Idk, H hasn't said anything. Does it really even matter if we miss 2 weeks?


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
jjsr
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Writing it down would be good. The first year we were in MC a couple of times the MC had to miss because of a conference and we had to miss because our son got married and we were gone for 9 days. I was so scared all hell would break loose. You will make it thru. If its one of those days take a deep breath and if you two can not communicate give yourself a time out and table the discussion until you are able to see the MC.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1664 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once those two weeks are up, and you you are back in MC, I don't think you will have any problem picking up where you left off.

I really like the idea of you writing down what you need to talk about. Whether you talk about those items in a solo session, or whether they are tabled for the next MC session, I think that's a great idea.

Maybe H is waiting for your move to see what you want to do? Wouldn't hurt to talk to him and ask him what is going on in his mind regarding missing the two weeks.

Good luck. You'll get through this.


Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Posts: 8237 | Registered: Dec 2010
sparklezombie
♀ 40095
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely write it down and make a point to talk during the hour you would normally have counseling. WH and I backslid on counseling and we just had another DD. Treat it like a normal counseling time, minus the counselor, and keep the pace up.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 253 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
mrcpu
♂ 38157
Member # 38157
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thing of it as an opportunity to see how things are REALLY going between you two. You may be pleasantly surprised!


D-Day 1: 22 Dec 2012
D-Day 2: 22 July 2014
Me: 40's WW: 40's Together 15 years
1st OM: ex-"Best Friend" of 30+ years

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Toronto
DoneWithLove
♀ 39380
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I will talk to him, write down key points I want to talk about and maybe even ask our MC how he thinks our time would be best spent. Not talking to my H contradicts our R rules that we made together.


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a great opportunity! You both keep on journaling about what you need to talk about, and then at THE specific time, you talk about these matters. Or, what worked better for us, is that you have 2 specific times. One time, one of you takes the lead and talks about their issues while the other one listens, makes notes, and affirms (or makes non-commential noises), and then vice versa. And for anything that is a sticking point, you bring back to MC when they are back.

Really, the whole point of MC or IC is to go it alone. So use this as a Where Are We At moment and see how you're doing!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5221 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have a plan. Set aside two times per day where you can sit and look at each other and talk about any issues that come up. If anything gets tense agree that you will take a break and come back to talk .


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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