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Did I Actually Do It?

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FR2012 posted 8/13/2013 06:57 AM

Lately my husband has asked me a few times "Did you actually do it? Did you actually have an affair?" And I hate saying yes to that question but I do. I tell him that it is true, I did. I betrayed him and our marriage.

It is something that is hard to say but that is part of accepting everything. I did have an affair. I did betray my husband. I did step out of our marriage. I am the one that caused all this pain to him. I did almost ruin our lives. I did do that. I hate being able to say that. I really do.

I hate knowing that we now have to live with this the rest of our lives. I hate knowing that I don't have that trust from my husband that I used to. I hate knowing that I almost changed our daughters life and almost prevented our son from even existing. I hate knowing all these facts.

We have come so far from day 1. We have done so much work together and will continue to do so. It is just something we all now have to live with and it sucks.

I made a post a while ago about acceptance. I guess part of this post is also to say that I have accepted what I did and I am going to continue to better myself along with my marriage.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share.

Aubrie posted 8/13/2013 13:22 PM

QS has said the same thing at times. The look of confusion on his face and the "Is this really real? Is this really our life?" just breaks my heart.

"Yes I did." is a killer. I hate admitting it. Knowing just how screwed up it was. Knowing what I've ruined. Knowing there is no way to undo everything.

((FR)) Y'all have come a long way. Just keep walking. One step at a time.

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