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Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

User Topic: If I were to contact the OW H
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ 39802
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what do you say ?

In haste and anger I deleted the few emails I had she wrote.

I have about 10 that my husband wrote to her. But that doesn't incriminate her...it incriminates my husband.

I have phone records that go back 18 months, 3 months of texts--courtesy of verizon. Obviously there is proof there that she dialed my husband from her number. Should I include this ?

I am thinking of doing an email to him. I don't have the email yet but pretty sure I could find it since he has a facebook account.

Do you just be brief...my husband had an affair with your wife for 3 years ? or should say how much I am hurt by this--include feelings-- or what ?


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
million tears
♀ 24416
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not contact him by email. I did that and the skank knew his password and deleted the email. I would tell him by phone or in person if you can.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
whattheh
♀ 40032
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check your email trash to see if your deleted emails are still there?


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 587 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not tell your WH that you are going to do this..he may warn the OW..who will concoct a story for her BH..and by the time you call him,he won't speak to you.

Don't email him...OW knows you know..so she is watching his accounts..and his phone..waiting for you to contact him, so she can intercept any message you try to leave. Can you call him at work,so she can't intercept the call? If not,get a cheap throw away phone and call him until he answers.

Be kind. Tell him who you are,who your WH is,and that they had an affair. Tell him you have proof, and you will send him the evidence.

Stick to the facts..don't go off on his WW...his instinct will be to protect her. But as unemotional as possible,but kind,and to the point.

This man deserves to know the truth..Im glad you're going to tell him.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ 39802
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You mean the deleted emails she wrote ?

No they are gone. I found a few initially in the trash and told my husband who never again let them there. he always double deleted them after that.

I don't know where he works. he is a musician I think and just has assorted gigs. I don't know his band name. Otherwise he just stays at home. I don't want to go to their home. That would be too crazy for me. I read the one thread on here where the OW went to the BS home and I really feel that was horrible and I wouldn't want to be like that.


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your WH know you want to tell her husband? How does he feel about this? Ask your WH ...he knows the name of his band..he probably knows where he works,or the name of his good friends. If your WH refuses to tell you...that's a problem.

I wouldn't go to her house..you never know how she may react and you could be hurt.

[This message edited by confused615 at 10:51 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ 39802
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trying to get any information out of Hubby is nearly impossible. I have been trying to get info for months and its not very forthcoming. If I find something out, then it confirms it but sometimes I have known more than he knows and I notice when he confirm stuff he leaves out half of it. I am sure he will say, he doesn't know the name of his band etc..

Back in December of 2012 when it was d-day #3, I said in an email to her that if she contacted my husband again I would call her husband and that I had his cell, email and all contact info. (I did not have any of it I just said this to scare her). She of course responded with anger of --how dare she even suggest that you touch my marriage! Anyway, of course she called my H right away like 20 times when I was with him...he apperead to be like, ohh this needs to end etc...because he was with me. |But of course, after that day, it never ended. So it continued from that day in December 2012 until June 25 2013--the last known contact I have for sure...so he answer is yes...they both think that I have all the info on her H already. BUt, after watching the emails etc for this long (more than 6 months, do you think she will be as vigilant in doing so still 6 months later?) I mean, by now it may actually go through right? and she might not notice. Like I said, I know he has a facebook. Is that a better route then ?


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow...I hadn't realized you have had THREE ddays all with the same OW. Absolutely her WH needs to know..not only because it's the right thing to do,but because it will help prevent the A from going underground again.

Since you can see his facebook, maybe you could send a message to someone who appears to be his best friend..or his mother and tell them who you are and that you need to speak with him. The name of his band isn't mentioned on his facebook anywhere? Can you send him a friend request..or better yet..have a friend(that OW wouldn't know) and have them send him a friend request? Maybe if you are his friend on facebook you can see more of his info?

Im so sorry..3 ddays all with the same OW..taking the A underground..all of this is just so terribly cruel.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:35 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
ionlytalkedtoher
♀ 39802
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol well there would have been 4 d days. I confronted her after d day 3 but found out again on June 25th 213 so that makes 4 with same OW. Thats why i am like. This can never ever happen again. I have already been stepped on too many times.

it doesn't say his band name on facebook. Its a very basic page. Just a pic of him with a guitar. It doesn't appear he uses facebook much. Just his wife and his mom and OW's mom and OW's family are his friends.

perhaps this is his perosnal one and he has another facebook for his band.


Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd attempt to contact his mom first. be very kind..be rational..just the facts..and tell her about all the times they took it underground..tell her you have proof..and you're trying to contact him,but you are concerned that any message you send to him will be intercepted by her. You could ask her to call you.

Dday 4 was in June? Then..yeah...she is watching his facebook and everything else in case you attempt contact.

The fact that your WH isn't helping you in this is concerning. Im worried the A is still underground.

Big hugs,honey. You sound strong..stay strong.

Can you post in the Investigative forum? If you start a thread there,asking how to track this BH down,Im sure someone can help you figure something out.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:48 AM, August 13th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7897 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
doesitgetbetter
♀ 18429
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to get to BH through his sister. I made the mistake of initially contacting him through his FB account, to which "he" replied that he already knew all about it and to leave him alone. It didn't sound right, and my gut was telling me it was OW. So I contacted his sister through FB, let her know that I had some info that was important to him, she of course asked what it was, and I told her that my H had been having an A with his W. The sister gave me his cell phone number, and I called him right away. He was very kind, I was very kind to him and gentle and slow with what I was saying. He asked me to email him what I had and assured me that he was on his computer right now and his W would not intercept (I told him about the FB message, he confirmed it was not him).


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Bloomsday
♂ 40275
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote to the wife of the guy my XWW was cheating with and included copies of the extensive collection of letters he had written to my W. I sent duplicate manila envelopes to both her home and work addresses to ensure that one got through. The OM lived in another state and believed there was no chance he would ever get caught as he only met up with my W at conferences and on business trips. However, one day just before Thanksgiving, he arrived home with not a care in the world only to find that it would not be a very happy holiday after all.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 12

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