DD - 7/13.
We'll be married 13 years in November.
The big picture is too much to bear.
He's admitted to 2 ONS and 1 EA via phone/text that lasted 6 months. He's admitted to countless other miscellaneous phone exchanges that included nude photos. I've already found a couple inappropriate FB PMs...who knows how many he deleted before I could find them. He's been sneaky about connecting with multiple old girlfriends (EA was an old girlfriend who now lives several states away). He admitted to having accounts on 2 websites (one of his ONS was a no-strings attached encounter he found through one of them).
He admitted he hasn't paid the mortgage in a year. No savings. Both of our cars have something wrong with them...who knows how that will play out. My credit has been demolished in the process.
Our children have witnessed his emotional/verbal rage-abuse towards me for years. He frightens all of us when he switches from being the man we love to the man who has scarred our hearts. Have they been damaged forever?
A few weeks ago, I told him I needed to get STD testing done. He said he wore a condom. I let it go.
But then I woke up a few days ago, and realized that he's the same man who has lied to me over and over and over again for the duration of our marriage. He had a vasectomy a few years go -- he knows an OC is practically impossible. I can't trust anything he says. Hell no, he didn't wear a condom. Wake up girl. You have to take care of yourself...and you have 3 small children who need you too.
I'm too mortified to go to our PCP or my OB-GYN, so I'm going to a random clinic tomorrow -- appointment at 11:45. They offer abortion services as well. What if there are picketers and news cameras?
I'm humiliated and embarrassed.
I can't believe this is our life.