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This is an email I sent my WH on why it's so hard for me after his affair with his high school sweetheart.

Subject: What is hard

You gave her intimacy

You gave her sex

You gave her your kisses

You gave her a feeling of importance in your life

You gave her time

You gave her caring

You gave her good times

You gave her a place of importance with Tom

You gave her our boat

You gave her our money

You gave her information about me

You gave her information about our marriage

You gave her information about my family

You gave her protection for when things get "ugly"

You gave her loyalty over me

You chose her over me on the forth of July

You chose her over me for the football trip

You gave her the protection of your lies to me

You gave her all of the good parts of you but none of the bad

You gave her a feeling of being special to you

You gave her kids things to make her happy

You gave her your text messages

You gave her phone calls

You gave her shared meals

You gave her a ride in our car

You gave her your creativity

You gave her your dishonesty towards me

You gave her a place above me

You gave her more thoughtfulness than you gave me

You gave her your confidence while shutting me out

You gave her your patience

You gave her your interest

You gave her your wisdom

You gave her your laughter

You gave her your humor

You gave her your kindness

You gave her your plans

You gave her your smiles

You gave her your companionship

You gave her the secrecy

You gave her the knowledge that I was married to a cheater

You gave her the knowledge that I had chosen a man with major flaws

You gave her the knowledge that one day I would suffer humiliation

You gave her the right to feel pity for me

You gave her the ability to hurt me without me being able to hurt her

You gave her the pride in knowing that she still had a hold on you

You gave her the feeling of being desired

You gave her your desire

You gave her your lust for her

You gave her your fantasy about her

You gave her the impression that you would leave me for her

You gave her the knowledge that you were willing to risk me being devastated for her

You gave her the knowledge that even though you'd been discovered, you would still go to her house and spend the night

You gave her the knowledge that she was so important to you that you would find her at a quickly mentioned nail salon in order to spend more time with her

You gave her the knowledge that you would drop by her house on a Sunday evening to be with her even though you were living with your wife again

You gave her the knowledge that I would suffer if I found out and that was not important enough to you

You gave away your duty to protect me from any sexually transmitted diseases

You gave her the knowledge that I was not important enough to you to protect me from any diseases she might have

You gave her the knowledge that you didn't care if I died from one of them if she had one

You gave her your filth, your dirt, your lack if character, your selfishness, your immaturity, your consistent habit of putting what you want ahead of all others and then blaming them and making excuses for your horrible behavior.

You gave her my husband.

Wow, that is powerful. How did he respond?

Oh my.

So much loss.

(((((SadWife)))))

(((Sadwife222)))

That is very profound and I identified with much of it.

It's like they strip our soul down to the bare bones with nothing left.

No response, yet. He's out of his office right now. But yes, it is so much loss, more than he's really thought about, I'm sure. But not more than I have and not more than the other BS on here have thought and know about.

There is no quick fix for the magnitude of this type of betrayal.

That's some powerful stuff.... I'm so sorry for your pain, suffering and hurt.

Wow. So true. And so sad.

I feel like sometimes they just don't get it. I want to be with my WS, but I feel like he took so much from me. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 1:56 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

Wow! I want to copy this and give it to my WH (minus some of the specific ones).

To see it all laid out like that is very powerful.

Ouch...that hurts to read but it's all so true. :(

I think I've lost my appetite.

His reply:

"Awww Honey, I soo sorry and you know what? I also GAVE her up for my sweetheart. YOU"

I don't think he gets it.

They will never get it. I find myself disappointed in Wh every time I find something for him to read or write something that I feel will FINALLY make him get it, but he never does and he never will. He can't.

But I wanted to tell you that *I* get it, and so do all the BS's here. We get it.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 5:05 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

So selfish...why so selfish? I felt a physical reaction with each word you wrote. I'm so sorry you are hurt. It just never makes me feel better knowing another person has felt the devastation of betrayal. The lost trust. My God. For what? For what? Was being with someone else worth the destruction of the person you made vows to?

I was hoping his response would have been more tender.

You are cared for here. Always.

I was hoping he could see how everything he gave her I thought of as precious. What's hard for him to understand is that, because he gave them so indiscriminately to another woman, they now don't have the value for me that they used to have. His love, time, thoughts of who he wants to be with, are now worth so much less. I don't know if I can love him as I used to.

I'm surprised (and not surprised) that his response wasn't more understanding. I don't think anyone can truly understand what you've lost unless they've gone through this horrible experience themselves.

I'm surprised by his response. Even though you spelled it out, he clearly doesn't get it. I can feel your pain just by reading your words. So sorry you are hurting. I tried explaining it to my husband by telling him that I use to feel special to him. He took all those things that made me feel special and gave them to her. He didn't get it either.

I agree they never get the devastation

I'm so sorry. I wish his response would have been more empathetic to how you are feeling.

(((SadWife)))

The tears are flowing freely for me after reading that...

I recently texted my H that he makes me feel like I should be grateful to him for giving up his exciting and satisfying relationship with OW to be stuck in one with me. It's the most awful feeling...

I'm sorry he responded in a similar way to such a heartfelt list of losses. It's still hard for me to fathom that many WSs just never really get it. I still hope that they will.

I'm so sorry for your pain. All of us here "get it".

Omg I felt every word of that so much this was true for me made me cry

He gave her up...FOR you??

UM..WTF???

He didn't go NC with her because it was wrong..because he is committed to the marriage...because he understands he had an affair and it was wrong..no..he gave her up FOR you. Not him..for you. That puts a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. His being faithful should have nothing to do with you..just as his cheating had nothing to do with you. If he decides his fidelity based on anyone..and anything other than his boundaries,his morals,his understanding of right and wrong..you have a problem.