Sobroken....can relate to the pain of a long term marriage A....how long was your WS's A??? My husbands A was 4 years long.
Have you tired to speak to your doctor about your feelings? They are a wealth of info on finding and getting help. I too struggled with believing that our M was what he really wanted. I had 3 emails stating he wanted to leave the OW and come back to me. Each time he caved and the anger that he emitted during these attempts did the exact opposite of what he said he was trying to do. I was the one who ultimately discovered and stopped the A.
Have you openly and honestly expressed your reservations and feelings to your husband??? That's is without crouching your message. If you still love him there is a reason. I never stopped loving mine either....you can see the short version below at the bottom of my post.
Do you go to MC/IC???
Here to listen....and oh yes I truly understand.
TMe: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!