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sobrokenhearted posted 8/13/2013 13:40 PM

My d-day was 2/12/2012 and i hurt as much today as the day I found out. My WS seems to be trying so hard to please me and make me happy. But I can't allow myself to trust or to believe that this is what he really wants. I am ready to give up and just throw in the towel and leave. I am very miserable all the time and I think it has just been way too long to have these feelings. We have been married 33 years in October and I love him more than I can express, but if I am going to feel like this all the time, is it really worth it? Everything is a trigger for me and I am constantly going over details of the time that they spent together. I wish I could bump my head and get amnesia to forget that this ever happened to me.

TxsT posted 8/13/2013 13:48 PM

Sobroken....can relate to the pain of a long term marriage A....how long was your WS's A??? My husbands A was 4 years long.

Have you tired to speak to your doctor about your feelings? They are a wealth of info on finding and getting help. I too struggled with believing that our M was what he really wanted. I had 3 emails stating he wanted to leave the OW and come back to me. Each time he caved and the anger that he emitted during these attempts did the exact opposite of what he said he was trying to do. I was the one who ultimately discovered and stopped the A.

Have you openly and honestly expressed your reservations and feelings to your husband??? That's is without crouching your message. If you still love him there is a reason. I never stopped loving mine either....you can see the short version below at the bottom of my post.

Do you go to MC/IC???

Here to listen....and oh yes I truly understand.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 1:49 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

TxsT posted 8/13/2013 13:51 PM

Ps....many of us LTA sufferers need extra help in getting beyond the pain. We have so many years of M, so many trials and tribes. I was finally able to give my hubby a fair shot at this when I started taking anti D meds. I loved him enough to help get myself to at least a stable position where I could positively view his actions as real and genuine. That was truly the only way we got over the hump you now face.

Think about it.

T

sobrokenhearted posted 8/13/2013 16:01 PM

I have a therapist, phyciatrist, on 2 different antidepressants and still cry everyday. I am recovering from breast cancer and the A. All I want is for it to be as easy for us as it was with the OW. I want him to call me during the day just because and when he goes the entire day without calling me, it only triggers my feelings. He is really "trying" in everyway that he thinks is important, but is never willing to communicate with me about anything that has anything to do with the A. He actually gets angry with me if the subject is even brought up and it usually leads to an argument between us if I do....so I usually hold in how I feel and cry alot when I am alone.

crazyblindsided posted 8/13/2013 16:40 PM

but is never willing to communicate with me about anything that has anything to do with the A. He actually gets angry with me if the subject is even brought up and it usually leads to an argument between us if I do....so I usually hold in how I feel and cry alot when I am alone.

I think this is why you still feel hurt. I have figured out a way around this at least for myself. I will text and print out my thoughts to WH. Sometimes I get a response sometimes I don't, but at least he knows where I stand and what I think of him and our M.

Other than that IC has helped so much. i would look into your own counselor to talk to.

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