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User Topic: The perfect hypocrite
♀ 31955
Member # 31955
Frustrated  Posted: 4:27 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 3 years of ups and downs, and a recent intensive couple therapy that gave me a bit of hope that he could develop a conscience, we're back to square one again. He only stays legally married to me so that he can keep a spousal visa in this Asian city he otherwise has no right to stay. He loves this city because as a caucasian in Asia, he is on top of the food chain to get as many girls as he wants. He continues to do what he is best for... being a hypocrite...

The perfect hypocrite

To be a perfect hypocrite, you have to be born into a family of hypocrites.

You were taught values and virtues that are universally right, except you learned to act differently than what you pretend to believe and be. In the ordinary world, we call it a lack of integrity.

Do as your parents do, you are merely an apple falling right underneath the tree.

But it is a secret you keep from absolutely everyone, including yourself. Shuuuh…

Until one day, someone you said who brightens up the room caught your attention.

You want to feel that warmth, that brightness lacking in you.

You pursuit her ardently, you led her to believe that you are a truly kind person with a conscience, you promise her a lifetime to be treasured and protected by such a perfectly kind and good person as you.

Yet you are no honorable man. Soon when you get bored with her, when her brightness and warmth are all consumed by mundane everyday life, by you, you reveal your true selfish nature and smash her into pieces. You no longer love her, actually, you never had, you just pretended so when she still had value to you.

The truth is ugly, so ugly you can’t bear to see it yourself. You run, you hide, you justify, you manipulate, you continue to lie, to yourself, to everyone. You are sorry, so so very sorry for what you’ve done, to her, to yourself. Yet except an apology, you offer nothing else. You cried, “I don’t know what I can do!” Sure you don’t. You are determined to escape from this broken wife whose scars and stitches remind you the real you. The real you you cannot face, you will not face.

You have no intention to keep your vow, your promise. You are not even shy to admit it. Because, after all, you are a hypocrite, only honorable men keep their promises.

Start a new life, with a circle of new friends who are not suspicious of you. Use your new found knowledge to fool them with your “confession” of your past dealings and get their sympathy. Meet a new girl, “confess” to her too, this time, you will be even more careful, you lie even more sophisticatedly, fooling yourself to believe that you are different this time, better, even better. Because you want to be perfect—a perfect hypocrite.

First written 2013-2-18 2:30am
Revised 2013-2-26 12:56am
2nd Revision 2013-8-14 5:19am

[This message edited by Grownup2010 at 4:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

Me: 41
WH: 35
Married: 2007 (together since 2003)
DD and separated since 2010
R on and off
~Still believe WH will grow up and be a responsible person one day.
~Still believe what brought us together into the marriage is still there.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2011
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This sounds awful for you.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17096 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 39077
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grownup, that was really well written. I think your description of your WH sounds familiar to nearly everyone here in one facet or another.

Three years is a long time to watch the same behaviors play out over and over. Especially when he's predatory with other women simultaneously.

Ready to revoke that visa yet?

Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 36915
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, maybe you should send him to the bottom of the food chain,,,

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 1020 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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