Dear T05
It is a completely normal reaction.
It might be that his infidelity (am I understanding correctly that there have been multiple APs) may be something that you can't safely heal from in the marriage.
It may be that the anger and disgust are a stage in your healing.
It may be that you are not trusting he is completely in and feel the need to protect yourself until you can feel at least this is the case.
Which ever it is. Trust your body and intuition. Over time you will start to be able to decipher what might be contributing to this, if it continues.
It is VERY early days.
It sounds you are not trusting who he is, and even if you like who he is.
A trait of many people who are unfaithful, is being inauthentic. In particular there are a hundred ways they need to placate their partners and put them 'off the trail'.
A party of recoverying is the need for them to establishe themselves as an fully authentic and present human being. Without doubt, fully IN the marriage.
And then over time the betrayed person being able to test and trust that.
It is way to early to expect that of yourself. But NOT to early for him to be working towards that every day.
What is he doing to show you and himself that he is authentic and committed to recovery and all the work involved?
Is what he doing enough for you to continue to work to heal in marriage?
If not than it is possible he is not meeting your 'conditions' for reconciliation.
i know this is hard. but our bodies are very good gauges of our feelings. trust your body.
best wishes
Meg