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namaste32 posted 8/13/2013 18:58 PM

So there is this stupid trigger that I just dont know what to do with. I dont trigger much nomore and if I do I can mostly handle it well. Also with time its getting easier,it seems like things that would trigger me in the beginning kinda fade away and dont do much damage anymore. However,her name is a differnt story. OW first name I never hear its so rare,but her last name is everywhere,actors,singers,models,....Anyways,my H and I went to an adult store,... and bought a few things,nothing super awsome,...however he picked out a book about massages. And an oil to go with that. I know he ment it good. However the authors last name is the same as OW. My H doesnt know that because he doesnt know her last name,they only saw each other 2 times,...however I tryed to ignore it.He sometimes wants to read the book together but I have a hard time,since the authors last name is written rather big on the front and small on every single freakin page. I really dont want to hurt him at this point,because he has been a model H ever since D day which was 3 years ago. We are in a pretty good place at this point. I dont want to point this out to him. I tryed to ignore it and say who gives a shit,but its not working. Its hard to read her last name and then try to relax into a nice massage and then being intimate.Should I just throw the book out and act like I dont know where it is? Or should I just let it go? I know its a silly thing but it really bothers me,,,,,,thanks

Skan posted 8/13/2013 22:57 PM

You need to let your WH know. You can't keep on hiding this trigger he has to know so that he can help you with it and understand why, when he thinks that he's doing a really neat thing for/with you (and it is neat!), you have that slightly pained look in your eyes and your lips are compressed. Bring it up and get through it together. If this is a trigger to you, you need to let him know, so that you guys can continue to be in a good place together.

As for the book, I would suggest that you snuggle together on the couch, and he reads the book to you. That way you don't have to deal with the name and the two of you can have a nice bonding time.

musiclovingmom posted 8/13/2013 23:04 PM

I second that you need to share this with your H. Then, I suggest taking a black sharpie and going through thr book together and coloring over the name every time you see it. (White out would work too if you'd rather, I just love the feeling of covering something with sharpie).