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DollheartDead posted 8/13/2013 19:36 PM

Today is 6 days post DDay for me (the only DDay ever I hope). My WS is fully committed to MC and IC, he is literally doing everything in his power to keep our marriage together right now.

We have been talking at least 3 hours each night since DDay, more than we have talked in the last 5 years. I am slowly learning that our lack of communication and intimacy helped create the perfect breeding ground for the A, but this DOES NOT excuse it. Yes, he knows that.

He is owning the entire situation; he recognizes that he made a decision to cheat and that these were not mistakes. He has laid no blame at my feet whatsoever.

He confronted the OW and ended it. He said she did show some emotion (upset that he was ending it). This leads me to my next thought...

Today at work I received a blocked private call directly to my line, not through our switchboard. When I answered, the caller hung up. Call me paranoid, but did no on see "Fatal Attraction"???

My WS is very concerned; he said he never thought about that aspect of things. Yes, people go crazy when they are rejected, whether it was just an A or not. No one wants to feel second best. Further to this, I found out about the A via an anonymous letter mailed to my work last week; hence the rest is history including my trust in my WS. This is why I am a little freaked out right now.

Could this psycho nut job OW be out to get me? Anyone have experience with this?

Management is aware and have said that a trap and trace will be placed on my phone if this continues. When is this nightmare going to end??

Nature_Girl posted 8/13/2013 19:41 PM

Yes, I've seen that movie, and yes, I have been thinking all kinds of thoughts as to me & the children's safety. Some of STBX's OW are not very nice people.

whattheh posted 8/13/2013 20:03 PM

Bunny Boiler is what the crazy stalker OW's are called and it's after that movie "Fatal Attraction".

I had a similar situation. In my case the OW aka Psycho Bitch was stalking me during the cheating (I was unaware at time). She came to my house, watched me and talked to me at the store (didn't know until later when she sent me a pic of her in bed with my fWH (he was sleeping) what she looked like or that she existed). Before I found out she also came and knocked on my door (the door noone uses unless they know us) really hard. I didn't answer cuz I didn't recognize the car or person but now I know that was also her. She was one sick whore.

In our case Psycho Bitch has stopped contact and her goal in hassling me and telling was to get me to kick my fWH to the curb (D him) so she could have him (or so she thought). He hated her after he tried to break things off early on and she started blackmailing him (she had her claws in him is how he described it).

Funniest thing is that one of her mean texts to me when she was sending pics was that "You can't make 2 years just go away." Recently I was moving the texts to a secure email for safekeeping and it made me laugh to read it. Cuz in the NC my fWH sent when she contacted us again at 6 weeks after DD.. He said he was deeply ashamed of his cheating and wished he'd never met her. So yeah you can make 2 years go away just like that (snap finger)...

We came very close to getting an antistalking restraining order. For now what you should do is research the anti stalking laws in your state and document everything that is happening by keeping a journal or sending emails to yourself. My state has really strong antistalking laws and I had grounds to get one but held off to avoid the hassle.

Psycho Bitch in my case had a job working with school children so she could have lost her job if I told her superiors of her actions or obtained an antistalking order. I think this made her cautious not to go too far.

We are still on guard and we are having some nuisance vandalism which may be her. She also let the air out of my tires when things were ending.

Also be aware that ex intimate female stalkers can be dangerous so take it seriously and be on your guard.

[This message edited by whattheh at 8:12 PM, August 13th (Tuesday)]

Nest2007 posted 8/14/2013 01:02 AM

I'm in the midst of it Dollheart :-/ So far OW has: moved into the house 7 away from my home, consistently chooses to reply on threads in the local buy swap sell site, answered my posts directly on that site, and while WH and I were overseas a couple weeks ago (looking to move to get away from her and the ongoing stress as we R) she mowed our lawn and left groceries on our doorstep when we returned. The only effect it's having is to make WH hate her more and more. The fog has definitely lifted for him, and really early on...

I hope for your sake it doesn't escalate, or better yet, that the phone call was just an innocent third party.

I know for me the ongoing stress of not knowing what the next trick she's going to pull will be, or when it might happen, is horrendous.

(((Dollheartdead)))

Bobbi_sue posted 8/14/2013 08:56 AM

Yes, I have seen the movie and it is referred to quite a bit on the forum, and yes bunny boilers are mentioned and the very term comes straight from the bunny boiler in the movie.

My H had a crazy stalker like that. I hate to ever say anything remotely kind about the OW, but while she did some of the same stalking/fishing type things, as far as I can tell, she was no where near as crazy as the "Stalker." My H never had an A with the stalker. They started out as "friends" when he was single and she was married.

She offered "free babysitting" for his DD. He says he paid her anyway, but over time felt obligated to be friendly with her because she did so much for he and his DD. This was back in the early to mid '90s and he was not familiar with the word stalker, but from what he told me, he was aware that she was nutty and it creeped him out. He was also NOT attracted to her, even if she had been single.

Still he was conflict avoider type and just hoped in time she would get the hint and ease off.

Since they were "friends" he had no problem telling her when he was going on dates, or had new love interests. He thought that would clarify it if she thought there was some chance for "them."

But she would find his truck anywhere he went on weekends, and "join" him and force her "friendship" on him. Well, we met because of her. The night we met, he asked a male buddy to go out of town with him, saying "there are no good women in this town." (But he was really thinking he wanted to go where the stalker could not find him).

So we met that night, and were engaged within a month. He told stalker he was in love and bought me a ring (I know he was a conflict avoider but how stupid do you have to be, to not really understand what he was telling her, and WHY he was telling her?)

But I guess she was that stupid. She continued stalking after we got married and stepped up her game. She used his DD to get information about our marriage, any fights or problems we had, etc. It actually escalated to the point I wish I had called the cops on her, but I never really caught her doing anyting particularly threatening. She did the hangup calls though, and I still have a letter she wrote me where she admitted doing that. (Also, who is stupid enough to admit to harassing hangup calls in a handwritten letter....oh yeah she is that stupid).

One of H's sisters is her on again, off again friend. Actually they are two of kind and I'm sure the only time they care for each other is when it is to the direct advantage of the other. So I take anything the sister says with a grain of salt, but during one of those "off again" times, the sister told me that Stalker admitted following me around town in her car "just to see where I would go." Stalker also said she was very depressed and carrying a gun in her purse.

We took some action to get her out of our lives and it seemed to work for several years, but she started up her game again when his mother and DD died in 2006.

My FIL died in 2008 and she had the gall to show up at the funeral home. Of course she was there to support her friend, my sister in law. SIL had not spoken to her father in the year before he died and refused to see him when he asked for her on his deathbed. But at the funeral, SIL acted like the most hurt of all. That is another story. But I didn't feel stalker had a good reason to be there and believe she was there to insert herself into our family's business once again (stalking but thinking we'd never tell her to get lost at a funeral home). Well, I did humiliate her and she left in tears. We have not heard from her since.

One last commment about the movie Fatal Attraction. Most OWs are not bunny boilers but when you start to see the signs, take them seriously. The movie is fiction but there are people out there who are "like that."

The idea from the movie posted here most often is how the worst thing you can do to an OW is "ignore" them because the character says "I will NOT be ignored!" When this is said on the forum it is usually a recommendation TO IGNORE them since they hate that.

I disagree. While I agree they hate being ignored, if we are really interested in our own safety and getting the bunny boiler to leave us a lone, some kind of action needs to be taken.

While active back and forth engagement is definitely not a good idea, getting some legal help on your side and getting an official letter out to the bunny boiler letting her know that legal action will be taken is a good move IMO.

TxsT posted 8/14/2013 09:24 AM

I live the fatal attraction movie. My OW has showed up on our doorstep in another country. We now have restraining orders on her. My MC and my medical doctor are worried for my safety because she is showing all of us that she is delusional and somewhat unstable......another wonderful new addition to my new life!

Thankfully I have stopped having murder dreams involving her stalking me.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 1:06 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]