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My husband had an EA with his GM. He TT and went as far as having her lie to me. She still works for us and their contact has been reduced by 95%. Anytime they see each other, I am there and she nows texts me for any work related problems with the exception of a few areas. His phone is linked to my ipad so I can see when they do text. They avoid each other at work and my husband will send her home if for some reason I can't be at work at the same time they are both there. I still feel like there is more that I don't know so I created an email address one letter off of hers and went into his contacts and changed it to the one I created and sent him an email as her. I said "since I'm not allowed to text you, I'm emailing you to let you know that your wife has been asking a lot of questions again. What do you want me to tell her". At first I was so happy that he came to me and told me about the email and showed it to me. He said he was going to resoond by saying "tell her the truth and please don't email me again". He asked me what kind of questions I asked her and I gave him a few examples. Days went by and I would ask him if he responded yet and he'd say no. So I sent another one saying "did you get my email? I need to know what you want me to say so I don't get you in trouble and I don't want to get fired." He told me about the email and read it to me. I said you need to respond. He repeated to me again about what he wanted say but when I asked him why he won't reply he said he doesn't want her to use it against him when we fire her. I said you should have thought about that before you did what you did, i want you to answer her. I said I think you are scared to say tell her truth because you still have secrets. He asked me again what I asked her and I said I wasn't going to tell him. I said you seem worried and I want you to respond to her. He said he knows I do and he's not worried. Yet he went to bed and didn't reply to her. So I can't help but think he's still hiding something or he would have just said tell her the truth. I told him I couldn't handle another DDay so if theres more he should tell me. If theres not, he should reply to her email. So far, he's done neither.

My first thought is he doesn't respond to her because he doesn't want to talk to her, even though you are pushing him. He is ignoring "her". He told you when "she" e-mailed him. At SI, I think most people would say both these events are good.

I think if there was 'more' he would have been worried enough to reply to her and ask her what questions you have been asking. Maybe?

The fact he doesn't want to speak to her or respond in anyway is fabulous. He is right though - anything he puts in writing could get him in massive trouble if she's fired and screams sexual harassment.

If I was you - I'd drop it. It's a dangerous game you're playing.

When you came up with this test, what were the passing and failing criteria?

He answered and said to answer me truthfully and not to email him again about this.

You guys are right. I should be happy he doesn't want to reply but instead I'm forcing him too. How sick is that?? I think I'm just afraid he's going to hurt me again and I've been feeling really insecure about the whole situation lately. It's just so hard to let down my guard. I hate what this has done to me. I should tell him that it was me when he gets home from work tomorrow.

Are you in MC? Does your MC know about this test? I have thought of something like this but I could not keep it a secret, and I know our MC would talk me out of it.

Are you in MC? Does your MC know about this test? I have thought of something like this but I could not keep it a secret, and I know our MC would talk me out of it.

I'm in IC but he's been on vacation for a 2 weeks. Mine would say to do whatever I need to do in order to feel safe but he'd probably tell me to tell my husband after I did it. My appt is in a few days though...thank god!

[This message edited by Scubachick at 1:23 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

I think, at this point, part of your test is "testing" if he will do as you say or not.

Looks like he passed. :) Yay!

I would stay out of doing this again though. It's a dangerous game you're playing.