Topic: getting the "f"
Member # 38232
| Posted: 8:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm at a point now where I'm uncomfortable referring to my husband as WH when posting. R is going well,after a bumpy first several weeks.The work he's doing in IC and MC as well as our daily life floors me-the same man who was dumbass enough to risk our "us" is now busting tail to be worthy of me and the life we share.
I know everyone is different,but when did you give your WS the "f" in front of the "W"...and why?
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Separated,on road to D
Posts: 108 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
Member # 6864
| Posted: 8:39 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm interested in the answers as I've never-ever referred to Mr Lucky as a WS.
♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥
Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Member # 38207
| Posted: 8:42 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I never put a w in front of the H, so had no need for an f.
Posts: 1538 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 32900
| Posted: 8:48 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
A while back someone posted about this and it resonated with me. They thought labels were problematic and not helpful in R. I think the label really kept me stuck even though her actions were right. I only use the WS or WW when needed for clarity. Otherwise she is my W.
Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.
Posts: 1255 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 36519
| Posted: 8:53 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm too lazy to type an F?
But seriously... I'm 95% sure he's an F but damned if I ever let my guard down. Them's the breaks. Sorry babe.
BS (me): 51
Married: 27 yrs
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R
Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 38814
| Posted: 9:07 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm not yet using an "f" but the thought of working toward my WW earning that "f" is motivating for both of us.
She'll get the "f" when I feel that I can trust her again. (or as close to 100 per cent trust as is possible after an LTA).
I guess everyone's different.
Together since 2001. Married since 2007. Found out about her affairs in 2013. Now separated, waiting for divorce paperwork and in a wonderful new relationship. Life is good again.
Posts: 512 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 34353
| Posted: 9:10 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013|
I have been giving my husband the capitol F since we started R two years ago. I figured when I completely forgave him I would take it away. I don't know if I am there yet but maybe I can make it a small f
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Posts: 1822 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Member # 36317
| Posted: 12:57 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
I initially used WS when I first joined for clarity's sake and assumed etiquette, then quickly adopted fWS, but I realized I'm not really up to labelling my wife beyond what she is. Which is she's my wife, regardless of anything else. So that's what I call her. Don't even use her SI name to refer to her, she's just my wife. As she should be.
I get how labels and descriptors are relevant and important to some folks but for myself it isn't how I work. I'm not prone to labelling things and it doesn't serve a purpose for me.
Me: 30 ~ Her (FR2012): 29
Together: 11 years, 2 children
D-Day 1: April 19, 2012, D-Day 2: September 13, 2015
Surrender to the truth of life.
Posts: 470 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Member # 33867
| Posted: 1:29 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
My WH has certainly earned it (the f) but he will never, ever get it. He will forever be a WH.
I see it like this:
I gave birth to 2 children that call me Mom. If, for whatever reason, they decided to walk out of my life and never see me again I would still be a Mom...I would not be a fMom.
Sadly, if he didn't want the degrading title, he should never have done the degrading deed.
ME: 55 BS
HIM: 63 WH
Married: 30 years
in R 5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
Posts: 2285 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 40306
| Posted: 6:52 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
I have chosen not to use the "WH" for my husband. I feel like it jus constantly reinforces a negative emotion.
He is my husband. I love him. I am grateful that I can separate the person from his actions. I want to reconcile. Therefore, I must support and maintain a respectful and loving attitude toward him no matter what.
That is a choice I am making for myself.
Remember the saying: un forgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 2014, 1 yr. later than I should have
Psalms 27:14 Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.
Posts: 2901 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 31240
| Posted: 8:35 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
I've almost always referred to my W as 'W' or 'my W' in posts, but in my profile, I made her fWS when I was really convinced she wouldn't cheat again.
In some respects it was a big deal. In retrospect, 'not cheating again' is such a small part of R that the 'f' may really be a minor detail....
fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Largely recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.
Posts: 12402 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 34671
| Posted: 8:40 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
I think I used the fwh title for awhile...since he was so immediately sorry and remorseful. I truly just think of him as my H now. We love each other more than anything and we together are weathering this storm. It is so much better two years later. Most days I feel happy, hopeful, and more and more normal.
Me - BS 56
H - WS 58/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 30, 27, 23
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic
Posts: 459 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Member # 36555
| Posted: 9:19 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
well...she's a former WW.
BS - Me 46 WS - Her 44 (Childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
Status: Separated possible divorce.
Posts: 1722 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Member # 39670
| Posted: 9:30 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
Unless the "f" stands for EFFING Wayward Husband, he's not getting an f anytime soon
No where near trusting him. I hope one day I will feel he deserves the f for "former".
Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 19197
| Posted: 11:07 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm in the same boat as many others; use something other than "H" for clarity only. He's still what he always was, my husband.
Married Over 30 years w/ grown kids
Dday 1: 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.
Posts: 860 | Registered: Apr 2008
|Topic Posts: 15|