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getting the "f"

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gettingthere2013 posted 8/13/2013 20:30 PM

I'm at a point now where I'm uncomfortable referring to my husband as WH when posting. R is going well,after a bumpy first several weeks.The work he's doing in IC and MC as well as our daily life floors me-the same man who was dumbass enough to risk our "us" is now busting tail to be worthy of me and the life we share.

I know everyone is different,but when did you give your WS the "f" in front of the "W"...and why?

Lucky posted 8/13/2013 20:39 PM

I'm interested in the answers as I've never-ever referred to Mr Lucky as a WS.

musiclovingmom posted 8/13/2013 20:42 PM

I never put a w in front of the H, so had no need for an f.

foundoutlater posted 8/13/2013 20:48 PM

A while back someone posted about this and it resonated with me. They thought labels were problematic and not helpful in R. I think the label really kept me stuck even though her actions were right. I only use the WS or WW when needed for clarity. Otherwise she is my W.

Blobette posted 8/13/2013 20:53 PM

I'm too lazy to type an F?

But seriously... I'm 95% sure he's an F but damned if I ever let my guard down. Them's the breaks. Sorry babe.

FeelingSoMuch posted 8/13/2013 21:07 PM

I'm not yet using an "f" but the thought of working toward my WW earning that "f" is motivating for both of us.

She'll get the "f" when I feel that I can trust her again. (or as close to 100 per cent trust as is possible after an LTA).

I guess everyone's different.

jjsr posted 8/13/2013 21:10 PM

I have been giving my husband the capitol F since we started R two years ago. I figured when I completely forgave him I would take it away. I don't know if I am there yet but maybe I can make it a small f

VD2012 posted 8/14/2013 00:57 AM

I initially used WS when I first joined for clarity's sake and assumed etiquette, then quickly adopted fWS, but I realized I'm not really up to labelling my wife beyond what she is. Which is she's my wife, regardless of anything else. So that's what I call her. Don't even use her SI name to refer to her, she's just my wife. As she should be.

I get how labels and descriptors are relevant and important to some folks but for myself it isn't how I work. I'm not prone to labelling things and it doesn't serve a purpose for me.

RidingHealingRd posted 8/14/2013 01:29 AM

My WH has certainly earned it (the f) but he will never, ever get it. He will forever be a WH.

I see it like this:
I gave birth to 2 children that call me Mom. If, for whatever reason, they decided to walk out of my life and never see me again I would still be a Mom...I would not be a fMom.

Sadly, if he didn't want the degrading title, he should never have done the degrading deed.

nekorb posted 8/14/2013 06:52 AM

I have chosen not to use the "WH" for my husband. I feel like it jus constantly reinforces a negative emotion.

He is my husband. I love him. I am grateful that I can separate the person from his actions. I want to reconcile. Therefore, I must support and maintain a respectful and loving attitude toward him no matter what.

That is a choice I am making for myself.

Remember the saying: un forgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

sisoon posted 8/14/2013 08:35 AM

I've almost always referred to my W as 'W' or 'my W' in posts, but in my profile, I made her fWS when I was really convinced she wouldn't cheat again.

In some respects it was a big deal. In retrospect, 'not cheating again' is such a small part of R that the 'f' may really be a minor detail....

struggling3 posted 8/14/2013 08:40 AM

I think I used the fwh title for awhile...since he was so immediately sorry and remorseful. I truly just think of him as my H now. We love each other more than anything and we together are weathering this storm. It is so much better two years later. Most days I feel happy, hopeful, and more and more normal.

2married2quit posted 8/14/2013 09:19 AM

well...she's a former WW.

OldCow18 posted 8/14/2013 09:30 AM

Unless the "f" stands for EFFING Wayward Husband, he's not getting an f anytime soon No where near trusting him. I hope one day I will feel he deserves the f for "former".

lostworld posted 8/14/2013 11:07 AM

I'm in the same boat as many others; use something other than "H" for clarity only. He's still what he always was, my husband.

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