First, I am sorry. To myself. For staying after so many discoveries. I am sorry that I did not have the guts to just end it way back when it first came to be. Why I kept staying, kept letting him come back...I just don't know. He would cry. Beg. Feel like e could be better. I would give in. At first be strong and put up a front, be aloof. Slowly that subsided to feeling relief things were back to status quo.
Status quo. Isn't that a kicker. Is that what I want in a marriage. The average? Barely scraping by on loose treads of love?
Not really. I don't. Each time we said we were "done", I felt really good....strong...for a day. I accepted this was it this time. I was ready to be out on my own. The kids (three of them) would be fine. I would be great. All would be great without him. Then I would have a flash. A memory. See him. And nothing but hurt. Sadness. That inkling that, again, we would fall back together and be okay...for a while.
Help me please. Break this cycle of hurt. Can I find a real love? Is it even a real thing? WHat he had/has(??) with his OW...he said/says it is passion, feelings, emotional.
I caught his message to her on his semi secret text plus account:
"I know you are finished with me...but TTD and I had a real, no holds-barred talk about things and decided to end our marriage." There was another line, but I cannot recall it. I think I blocked it out from the shock that this had happened yet again. For some odd reason I truly believed we were actually PAST this...this time.
I discovered that text after H and I had been on a date night/. He got really drunk and spewed a LOT of "honesty"
and what I thought was his explaining why we kept working things out nad staying together. Somewhere I must ave lost track (and I wasn't drunk), because I have no recollection of the "no holds barred talk" we had. What does that mean, by the way? The only thing I recall is his saying, "Truth is, I will never stop desiring other women."
So, I don't know. He is buying an air mattress tonight so he can sleep at our recently (today) vacated rental to "work on it" he is telling the kids. For now.
OH! When I showed him that I saw the texts, the next morning, he apologized with a note that said, "Sorry I ruined our evening. I know I should never drink again."
I shrugged it off and told him it was too much for me.
The next day he told me he would move into the old rental so we could have some space. He said he wasn't talking divorce, just space, that it would maybe be good for both of us. I told him divorce was good for me.
Someone help me think this through, please. I am kind of unsure where to go from here. I hate the fact that he has tried to reconnect with her--I have no idea if she responded. As of Sunday, she had not. But, who knows...
WTF is wrong with me?
Huge hugs to you. Are you in IC at all? I know that's what helped me to regain my self-respect so I could make the best decision for me.
You are strong and will get through this.
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
I am so sorry. But you now know who he is. Time to accept that he has told you his true self.
You have done nothing wrong and you will be ok.
I am sooo sorry doll...
Get into counseling eat well drink fluids and love yourself.
I just walked into to our room to quite a scene. I had to run out so I could lock myself in the bathroom and cry. All three kids helping him pack--he's told them he is at the old house working on things that need to be fixed o be rented out again.
Oh my god, that was hard. I am trying to stop crying. I am. But, it hurts knowing full well that is probably the last time we will all be in the same room as a whole family. And they don't know that.
[This message edited by openedupmyeyes at 8:36 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
Sending you so much strength as you weather the storm of his moving out. It will pass. You and the kids will survive it. Until then, you know the drill - self care is paramount. Take care of YOU so you can be there for your kids.
Big hugs. (((((TTD)))))
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I can truly relate because I myself have had multiple D Days and it leaves you beyond shattered.
Also, I have been in a situation where my H has left, come back, left again...its a nightmare. I say this gently, at this point you should contact a lawyer. If he's still in contact with the OW and is now packing his bags to move out (for space or whatever!), you must protect yourself and your children. I know I wish I had done this sooner.
Sending you strength and hugs. You will get to the other side, honey. We are here for you.
After leaving last night for our old home, he returned this morning in tears because he was surrounded all night by our "good memories". I told him to give it time, it will be fine. Focus on getting things fixed...yadda yadda...again, WHY was I helping HIM???
Anyhow, I actually felt pretty good when I woke this morning. Calm and assured. It wasn't until he walked in upset that I started to feel anxious again. Damnit.
So, the last two mornings (prior to today), he showed up, had coffee, saw the kids and then was off to work. No bug deal, didn't mind so much.
Last night was the first night he did not come by to see kids, and again this morning. This is fine, but I don't like answering the kids' questions about when he is coming home, etc. So I just send him an email asking for a schedule. This sucks.
But, I am hanging in.
Be strong. Be true to yourself and your kids. Thinking of you.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
I don't know if I can post a link here. I saw this this morning and it got to me - applies so much to so many of us.
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".