I was trying to coax her into RPing with me again by changing which RP system we used. No dice (literally and figuratively - it was a diceless RP system), and I was reminded/encouraged/2x4'd into thinking about things from Heart's perspective. She even explained it to me herself, with an analogy of an engagement ring that I had proposed to her with, only to find out afterward that I had proposed to a million other people with it, too.
She still wants the ring (it's still beautiful, she still likes it); she just can't bear to look at it. Meaning, she still wants to RP but can't bring herself to do it. I'm not pressuring her (thanks to all the lumber I got on Wayward Side), and I have no real desire to RP with anyone BUT her, and only IF she wants to -- again, haven't pressured her since I posted on here about it last time, and I don't have an inclination to start pressuring.
However, she has started to pressure HERSELF into trying to do it, during which we end up doing a lot of little "avoidance" things until it's 10 o'clock and it wouldn't make sense to start even if we wanted to. She admits it's her own problem and that I haven't been forcing the issue. She apologizes unnecessarily (because I Own it as being my fault), even though I ask for no apology and she knows she doesn't owe one.
Has anyone ever had any situations like this? Something that is a pretty nasty trigger for you, and yet you force yourself to try and do it anyway (maybe because you like whatever was taken from you, or just because)?
I know Heart, and I know she's just going to keep trying. I almost titled this thread "Stick and Carrot" for that very reason. If she's going to keep trying anyway, I want to give her every opportunity to succeed if she's going to.
Thus, I wanted to see if the collective brains of SI had any ideas or similar workaround situations that might be employed here.
In short, I know Heart is going to keep trying to get over this powerful trigger, regardless of what I do. Is there anything that could help her get over a trigger?
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an
Yes, I am more curious about general triggers in this way than I am about the specific trigger/RP. I know that Heart is going to force herself to continue to explore this option, her trigger, and all the underlying issues that surround it. I just kind of want to know what I should be doing and if there were anything I could do above and beyond what I'm already doing in order to help her.
Again, I don't want her to HAVE to do this. I'm past that. But, since I know she's going to do it anyway, I want to know how best to proceed, and if anyone has advice for her as well.
I've never felt as much teamwork in our marriage as I do now, which is an awesome feeling, but also carries with it the responsibility of my wanting to help her, especially if I am perfectly aware that she is forcing this onto herself.
Thank you for your continued support.
Baby steps, one at a time. Best
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Baby steps, one at a time. Best of luck (edited because I accidently hit submit)
[This message edited by Skan at 10:40 PM, August 14th, 2013 (Wednesday)]