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Fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him!!!!!!

Fuck him and the whore he rode in on! You have been SO heard! (((hugs)))

edit because I hit too many keys at once.

Vent away we're here to hear what you need to say when you're ready.

[This message edited by Skan at 11:46 PM, August 13th, 2013 (Tuesday)]

Fuck him is right.

We love you.

Years ago we had a friend lets call her Z. She was a friend to us both, I put my safety on the line for her when helping her escape her abusive father, was her when she miscarried not one but both of her twin babies after her father kicked her in the stomach, helped her move, slept over her house, helped her paint, and loved her. Both SO and I were her friends and initially we were both attracted to him. I told her I'd step away if she wanted him and she told me no she didn't and SO and I got together. We grew apart because she started distancing herself from me and I didn't know why. About a year after her distancing and a about 3 years into our relationship she confessed to SO that she was in love with him. I demanded NC and he promised he would. A few weeks later I found a pic of her because he says they hung out. He went NC and for years there were ups and downs about her. I just found out that 10 days ago he went to brunch with her and his BFF and today he told me he was going shopping when in reality he was having dinner with her. Oh he needed closure because he felt he ended that friendship badly. Yes he did something selfish but it made him feel better and a huge weight was lifted so I should be happy for him at least a little.

I feel fucking gutted....FTG...

(((((Unagie)))))

Unagie...you know he wasn't wasn't looking for closure with her.

FTG.

Oh he needed closure

You aren't drinking that Koolaid are you?

He's showing you, above and beyond, who he is.

I barely slept. Had a complete and total breakdown last night coupled with an anxiety attack. Fucked up part? My mind auto went to him for comfort...I'm sitting here about to feed the dog and give her, her insulin and then start working when all I wanna do is bury my head under a pillow and block the world out.

((((unagie))))

So did you tell him what he did was unacceptable? He needs some serious consequences for causing you this much pain.

STRENGTH - to you.

::hugs:: to Unagie!!

Hun, you've been doing this dance with him for too long now I think. You said it yourself - fuck him. We're here for you.

FTG.

(((unagie)))

Stop doing this to yourself. Stop today.

180 - 180 - 180 - 180

Why the hell is it so hard to detach....FFS I would do anything to genuinely smile with no pain behind it again. Oh he told her about our situation because yea she needs to know that shit. How the fuck can he sleep so calmy!? I want to punch him, I feel like such a fool.

Why do you keep doing this to yourself??? He has already shown you numerous times who he is, yet you let him keep hurting you over and over again. You need to follow your own tagline, love yourself enough to walk away!!!! Venting is great, but it won't solve your problems or make him a trustworthy person.

you do realize he's deliberately torturing you don't you?

he has told you what he is going to do, he has shown you through his Actions, when will you truly realize that you are worth so much more?

FTG

strength

Why the hell is it so hard to detach

There are lots of possible reasons. Gently, what are yours?

I know the answers are difficult and probably painful to face, but you're strong enough - and remember, any time you want a supporting hug (or a dozen), you can come here.

Does the following old SI thing help?

Don't
Even
Think
About
Changing
Him!

I know my reasons and they are shit. Part of me feels I deserve this, that I created this ma. I don't recognize, part of me thinks this is all I deserve and I shouldnt expect better treatment, part of me is desperately scared I will not be able to love this deeply again or trust anyone to love me again and part of me still truly loves him. I probably have more if I dig some more and I know venting will not solve my problems but right now I'm hurting and there's no one else I can say this to that will understand.

ETA: I really wish I could talk to my mom but if I tell her this she will want to take a hammer to his kneecaps....I want my family...

[This message edited by Unagie at 12:27 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]