It's a roller coaster ride. I'm only 6 weeks past D day, it was the most traumatic day of my life and I'm still reeling from it. I've had some good days and some horrible days. My marriage is too important for me to walk away and damn it I love him. I see why he strayed. We both made mistakes, our marriage was disconnected for many years. I don't condone the straying and it hurts like hell, but I know why he did it.
What helps is just keep on talking, if you feel like you need to ask the dirty details, do it. Tell him how important it is for him to ride out your moods and weather the storms and be totally honest. TT (trickle truth) will only make things worse.
Read books. So many good ones. So far my favorites are "The Five Love Languages" His Needs, Her Needs". We read a chapter a night and discuss. From them we have learned many needs we have not met for each other. I ordered, "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair", as recommended from here by many. I also am reading "After the Affair". So knowledge is power, read them together.
Also we are reading sex books, that was one of my needs was more sex ironically. I want to be more adventuress. So we are experimenting and having lots of fun with that. We visited an adult novelty store and picked up a few things, it was fun and we've found some great tools. lol Also, we agreed not to masturbate in secret. He was doing that behind my back instead of having sex with me and I was too. Now we do it in front of each other or tell each other when we do it. TMI I know.
I know I will always have shock at what he has done. He's in shock at what he has done. I will never be able to forget, but I'm hoping in time I will be able to not feel so much pain when I visualize him kissing another, fucking another, sleeping with another and talking intimately EA with another for several months. It was 4 years ago and it ended without me ever knowing. But it's like yesterday for me since I just found out. I have so much anger towards OW. It's insane. But so does he. He hates her too because of her role in it all.
I wrote to letters to OW and sent them, it was therapeutic. She's no longer a threat but I just wanted her to know I knew and she can't just live her life without no consequences. I called her a fool and a homewrecker, ugly, whatever made me feel better. I told her how I felt. I told her my WH said the sex sucked for the most part. He was disillusioned by it and described why. I was one that needed full detail so I was able to say what he didn't like about her. It just felt good to tell her that. I just wanted to creep her out a bit. I hope I succeeded. I was mean, but I don't give a shit. She's the OW, the worst kind of trash imaginable.
[This message edited by Painfuljourney at 10:15 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]