[This message edited by Thelastknight at 3:28 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]
Reformed BS 39 xWW 34
Two kids 5 and 2
You and your kidlets will be just fine.
"But you said your vows, and you closed the door
On so many men who would have loved you more" -Cath, DCFC
Second, as a SAHM, I totally understand where part of your identity comes from being a parent. As they grow and change, we as parents have to grow and change too.
Having them away from me is hard, but I know, "big picture" it is best for them. I view my "job" as a parent is to teach them the skills to be great adults. Wether they are with their Dad, or at school, or at soccer, or whenever they are not physically with me, I know they are gaining skills for their future...not mine.
Being a good parent is hard.
Last year I had to put my kids in school and be separated from them for the first time. It killed me. I'm dreading it again. I found ways to keep myself busy, but I found myself watching the clock until I could get my kids at the end of the school day. This is quite possibly my biggest resentment of STBX, that his inability to be a decent human being has robbed me (and the children!) of a life together and a decent education.
You too need to grow. Get out; spend time with other adults; make new friends; enjoy the world. You deserve this.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Do some nice things for yourself-- I'm going to join a choir, get back into some form of exercise, start working on my hobbies again, and focusing more on me again since the kids will be less of a focus. It will be good training as they get older, and I have to get used to being on my own.
You can do it. It will be okay. It's just a temporary, albeit scary, adjustment.
Oh hell no!
I can't tell you what to do, and I don't know what your financial resources are like, but if I were in your shoes, I would fight that. This isn't just about you-- it's about your kids. Like I said before, it sounds like you're a pretty involved dad, so it's not only going to hurt you, but it's going to hurt them.
Can you discuss this with your L? Why would any court of law change the parenting plan like this unless you were somehow a danger to your children or were no longer available for that kind of time due to your job? It seems to me like a precedent has been set, and sticking with it would be in the best interest of the children.
Sending you strength for the days ahead...
Status: D 2011
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Truth is like surgery, it hurts but heals. A Lie is like a painkiller. It gives instant relief but has side effects forever.