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What I want to hear.

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bob1965 posted 8/14/2013 06:58 AM

Last night I asked WW if she has been reading How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair.

"I've been busy."

Not busy to post on your forums.

I want to hear. "I am sorry I did this to you. I am sorry I did this to us. I caused this mess. I want to do what ever you need me to do to heal. I will do what ever you need me to do to heal."

I'm tired of her selfish attitude towards the problem she caused.

madsadalone posted 8/14/2013 07:15 AM

Can so relate.

I printed out the 10 pages of 'What every WS needs to do to help the BS Heal' and gave it to him.

All I got was bitched at...

Holy shit, not only your secrets are yours alone, but now the fucking ink in the printer!

heforgotme posted 8/14/2013 07:40 AM

If she could make time for the A, she can make time to read.

That is, if she wants you to continue to allow her to stick around.

Gr8Lady posted 8/14/2013 07:54 AM

If it matters to them they will make time

If it does't matter to them they will make excuses,

Morhurt posted 8/14/2013 08:19 AM

That's so frustrating, I know from experience. At first I just wanted to hear it. I told H what I needed to hear, and he said it. Often. But eventually I also needed to feel it.

He too had no time to read. I understood, it's a really busy time at work etc. But you know what? When he "got it", he all of a sudden had time to read about what would help me.

I'm sorry. Having to tell a WS what to say and how to behave is maddening (IMO).

Hugs.

bluewater posted 8/14/2013 08:22 AM

Its their ACTIONS you need to pay attention to. Not their words. Their actions tell you what is REALLY going on in their heads. Their words are just words and have no value.

So bob, I suggest that you go back and re-read your posts and in them you will see what, if anything, she has been doing to try to reconcile.

Brandon808 posted 8/14/2013 08:32 AM

I've been busy.
Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."

What are you prepared to do and what are you prepared to accept?
Those are the questions you need to ask yourself. If you willing to D if she doesn't put in the effort to R then you need to prepare for D. Right now. Call the lawyer, get your ducks in a row. You need to be ready to act on a decision because her inaction is a decision in itself.

bob1965 posted 8/14/2013 11:08 AM

Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."

Exactly!

OldCow18 posted 8/14/2013 11:35 AM

I bought that book for WH and read it cover to cover immediately, took no time at all. It's a short book. Gave it to him, told him how important it was to me, blah blah blah. 5 days later he was still on page 47. Infuritated me to no end.

I'm hoping your WW gets off her selfish train soon. If it were me I'd tell her to have it read by Friday or pack your sh/t. Seriously.

WhatsRight posted 8/14/2013 11:44 AM

Gave that book to my Wh on March 9 - 7 years after his ONS with the prostitute.

He has 'been reading' it since then.

No mention of what he is reading, or what it might mean to him.

I think he is beyond feeling remorse for what he did.

sparklezombie posted 8/14/2013 11:56 AM

Yeah you make time for what's important to you. It's obviously not that important

FoolontheHill posted 8/14/2013 13:31 PM

Translation = "I'm going to ignore it until you give up."

And when you give up finally it will be your fault for not working on the marriage or for filling for D

Sorry I totally get this and am still bitter and angry.

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