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needhelptoday posted 8/14/2013 09:02 AM

I just joined SI and it was my wife that suggested that I do in order to start seeking some help for myself.

My wife and I work at the same office...less than 13 days ago my wife discovered I was having an affair with a female part time worker at our office. This girl works just on Saturdays whereas I work Mon-Fri in the same office so unless i go into the office on Sat I would not see her.

How did this all start?

It started in early May of this year..I am a manager so I rotate weekend duties with a colleague and this particular weekend in early May I was on call and this girl that works on Saturdays got into a car accident and was unable to work that day so I came into the office to cover her shift. (wanted to mention that up to this point this girl and I rarely talked and nothing was going on between us). Shortly after her accident I received an email from her while she was at her other day job thanking me for my support and for helping her by covering her job and that it meant a lot to her. I responded back shortly after asking her if she was okay being that she was in an accident? She responded back again telling me that she was sore but she would be okay. A few days passed and I was talking with another office clerk who works with this girl on Saturdays and asked the office clerk if she heard how this other girl was doing? It was at that point I found out that her life her taken a turn for the worse. Her and her husband had since separated and she had found out a lot of terrible things that her husband had done over this past year. When I heard this I was in shock and sent her an email without trying to pry and asked her again if she was okay and that I had heard some of the things her husband had done that caused their breakup and asked her if she needed anything or needed to talk. She again responded in an email back to me saying her life was a living hell and that it had turned upside down and her husband and have since separated. As time wore on we begin to talk more and more in emails while I was at work..that later turned to much so that her and I texted each other almost every night. The texts started out friendly than turned sexual very quickly for quite a few days. (A span of about 2 months). In between the texts I met up with her a few times at our office on Saturday mornings where her and I got sexual with one another and I also had gone over to her house to help her install an air conditioner and things got sexual further..

13 days ago I was asked by my colleague who pays our phone bill why my cell phone bill was so high and that these added charges were caused by exceeding my text limit and that these charges were a penalty for going over my monthly limit. .at first I told her a lie to see if she would let it go but she didn't...she tried to fight the charges and in doing so emailed me and cc'd my wife (who works at the same office during the week) so my wife saw this email and the # of texts this girl and I sent back and forth to each other and my wife also saw the phone number the text msg corresponded to. My wife immediately came up to my office and demanded to know what the hell was going was from that point on that my wife's life turned completely upside down and my my life did as well...My wife left the office immediately and called me shortly after asking me to meet up with her away from the office. I did meet up with her and looked my wife in the eye and lied and told her that we were just friends..2nd biggest mistake of my life..the first was having the affair! She wanted me out of the house but has since changed her view and I sleep in the basement...We have an in law suite with 2 boys..

Were do my wife and I stand on this point we are both going through hell..her more than me...her mood goes up and down from hr to hr..We've had our share of arguments, discussions, talks, and crying. She is in disbelief that I did this to her again and rightfully so..Yes I mean again ...8 years ago I searched for a girl online who I met on POF I went behind my wife's back to met up with her and almost got sexual with her as well. My wife found out and over time we got through it but never fully as either one never got help.

About me..I know I have a serious problem..what I don't know is what this problem is (sexual, anger, etc)..why am I doing this? Why do I need to search out other woman to make me feel good about myself? get attention?.. to make me feel good about myself? Why is it important to me what other woman think of me?.. I'm 46 years old and I hate getting old.. I hate what I look like and I have low self esteem. I have anger issues and I hate myself..My wife tells me how sexy she thinks I am and over the years I don't think I believed her when she said these words to me. My wife is a wonderful beautiful human being who didn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect!

I realize that what I've done is the worst thing you could do to someone who loves destroys them..It kills any faith and trust that they have in you and that I may never ever get this back. I did this!!! ..I was so selfish that I didn't stop for 1 sec to ask myself what the hell am I doing? I ruined my marriage, my wife who is my best friend..risked losing everything that her and I worked so hard for...neglected my kids in the process all over stupidity and ignorance and being a pompass ass.

I have since talked to a priest and are seeking counselling. Whether my wife and I can get through this is remains to be seenp..I've been told to just take things 1 day at a time and be honest with your wife moving forward about not keep things from her. Both of our families know about this affair and I've talked to members of my side.. Her the ame on her side. Her mother at first did not want to see me anymore..Our kids know that something is up but not entirely sure what..maybe they are smarter than I think.

I joined this site because I need help..I have to get help because I want help! So if there's anyone out there that has gone through a similar situation as I to please share your thoughts and prayers with me and I will read and respond back ASAP..I can't imagine how my wife is feeling as it hard to put myself in her would I feel it she did this to me

I can't imagine losing her but I feel I already have and I have nobody to blame but myself!!!!

I have truly failed!

Deeply Scared posted 8/14/2013 10:15 AM


What has happened with the OP at your work? Is she still there? How are you going to handle the possibility of running into her?

needhelptoday posted 8/16/2013 04:19 AM

The other girl quit and no longer works at our office

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