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Turning a blind eye?

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OldCow18 posted 8/14/2013 09:43 AM

How often do you hear of a spouse finding out about an affair and just deciding to rug sweep it IMMEDIATELY and never look back? My guess is that this happens with men who are cheated on more than women, but I don't know. Anyone hear of this?

Another post just made me think of this, but OW's BH is this guy. They had it out on d-day and never looked back apparently. Her life is just fine right now.

TrustGone posted 8/14/2013 10:02 AM

My WH is a huge rugsweeper. Refuses to discuss the A at all. Just last weekend when I brought it up he said "Let's don't go back there". It pissed me off and I told him "I am not going BACK There!!!, I'm there everyday of my life!!!" Of course he just sat there and didn't say anything as usual.

OldCow18 posted 8/14/2013 10:03 AM

TrustGone, believe me, I get that many Waywards would like to rug sweep and move on, but I'm talking about the betrayed taking that stance...I just can't fathom.

Morhurt posted 8/14/2013 11:17 AM

I'm sure that OW's life is not ok. Rugsweeping does not make it go away or take away the hurt. It will resurface.

IMO it's an unhealthy and unhelpful (to themselves) way for a BS to deal with it.

A's suck.

Morhurt posted 8/14/2013 11:17 AM

I'm sure that OW's life is not ok. Rugsweeping does not make it go away or take away the hurt. It will resurface.

IMO it's an unhealthy and unhelpful (to themselves) way for a BS to deal with it.

A's suck.

WhatsRight posted 8/14/2013 11:38 AM

I compare that level of rugsweeping to someone who doesn't truly grieve a loss - like a death.

I knew a woman who never broke down, never stopped being the 'perfect hostess' when people came over to offer sympathy for her husband of 50 years when he died.

Then thing is, more often than not, it will come back on you. My friend just about lost her mind about 6 months later. Then, it wasn't 'normal' grieving.

I think if you don't work through it - there will be a price to pay in the end. That's why I'm in such a horrible place. We have never dealt with it - so, like someone else said - it is part of my everyday life - like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe - it never really truly comes off unless you wash it all away!

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 11:39 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

sparklezombie posted 8/14/2013 11:41 AM

Wh and I were both, are both, rug sweepers. And let me tell you, it's horrible. It doesn't fix anything and our situation has only gotten worse over the years. I'm done with it now and demanding that we deal with it. It's rough but worth it

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