SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What do I take with me? How many should I see? What do I need in the beginning to get the process started?

We don't own anything. No house. We own our own cars outright. We live paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet and with a new baby, we are really tight these days.

The main thing here is our Son. I pay for his health insurance with my job, have paid for all of his medical bills, and WS has never stopped paying for his share of the rent and utilities even though he hasn't lived with us since March.

Where do I start?

Depends on your state, but here is what south carolina lists as standard:

http://www.kimberlydunham.com/BrownVisitation.pdf

Most states aren't this conservative (like the no overnights with OW), but this will get you thinking.

Generally ask him if you have questions should you email is paralegal and what is that person's email?

My atty had a "File" for each client, so anytime I wanted him to just be aware of something for the D, I emailed it and the paralegal put it in the file. You never know when they are reviewing the file, so send these things in at any time, so it's there. I just put on the subject line "for my file".

On visitation, make sure you get Halloween specified to share or get every other one otherwise it might be on their weekend and you would miss

trick or treating.

Find out how you will get child support modified in the future.

Get all you can,, not to be a b***h, but your child needs support. My friend's father told her to get all you can financially and if you find you don't need it all in a year, you can refund it to him. Of coarse raising a child costs tons more than what's on paper, and her dad knew it!

The #1 thing to bring is your courage. It's not easy sitting across the desk from a divorce attorney, realizing, "Shit. I'm really here."

Also,, don't feel like you need everything prepared for your initial meeting(s) with an attorney or attorneys. Get recommendations. Meet as many as necessary to find one you are comfortable with. I received a strong recommendation for one specific attorney, met her...done. No question. She was the one I wanted to use. It all worked out just fine.

Of course, be sure you tell the attorney about the infidelity.

One thing I didn't get included but wish I had is "right of first refusal." So, for example, if my wife has the kids for 10 days during the summer, she can send them to her mother's house for a week, if she wants to. Right of first refusal would have forced her to ask me if I wanted to take them for that week, etc. your attorney can explain it.

Good luck. You'll do fine.

For my initial consultation, I didn't bring anything. I went in, explained the situation, asked about qualifications, how the process would go, fees. She gave me some paperwork to fill out and said if I decided to retain her, I would need to bring x y and z along with the paperwork and retainer fee. I didn't need any sort of info for the attorney until my second appointment.

If you end up using that attorney the first thing they will need is financial information. You don't have bring all of that documentation to your first consult but having an accurate outline of your financial status (income, expenses, assets, and debt) will help.

Also, and this depends on which state you live in, having any proof of the A may be helpful.

It took me three lawyers to pick one and it was his empathy and sympathy that drew me to choose or reject. I met with some (both male and female) and one was very cold and also no "free consultation" there.

The one I went to (and others I've heard from other people) are primarily concerned about money matters between you and WS. In some ways, having no house will be a help in your process, because it will be one less thing to deal with, and a big one.

"joint debt" is a buzz word I keep hearing and the lawyer I have is interested in things like taxes, 401k, financial asset type things. Also they were interested in things like insurance/job benefits and especially children, with regard to money and visiting/making a "parenting plan".

Oh...and before anything could be filed, my lawyer needed our marriage license. I also updated our birth certificates, just in case...

They may ask about medical insurance or copays for the future and filing taxes for the future. Those are good records to bring.

I brought as much of that as I could and it cut the meeting time in half, which saved money. I had copies made already because it can get very fast in handling paper and you might not get a copy back and have to ask for it-or pay for it-again.

I wish you well. It's intimidating and expensive, but what I am finding is that as pieces get solved, I have a tiny bit more relief. I am not doing well financially, but things regarding our kids are getting settled and that helps me cope.

Not necessarily for your first consult but it helps if you are aware of your financial situation. All accounts, expenses, retirement, annuities. Investments,Etc.

Everything is split 50/50 although that can be negotiated. Half a kitchen set could be traded for half a living room set. Do not forget frequent flyer miles are also split.

I didn't take anything to my initial consults - yes plural. In our state you can visit a bunch of attorneys, until your attorney notifies the court that you have representation, the attorneys cannot speak to the opposing party . I knew my H, he would be looking for the biggest baddest shark there was. I tied them up and did not hire an attorney until after he declared his.

It leveled the playing field.

Hugs,

K