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id kill to have a normal life

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huRtZ413 posted 8/14/2013 10:13 AM

so were in the middle of my WH changing his career , he is getting out of the military after 8 years. Today he texted me that he is considering becoming an air marshall ! ugh im so pissed ! all i could think was you inconsiderate fuck!!! you went to the military and i dealt with 8 years of the bullshit of doing shit alone long distance everything that comes with the stress of being a military spouse and you said we were done and you were done leaving me alone i dont want him with a traveling job period. he says well its a 6 figure job they are offering and it can be a really good thing for the family i can get you a home a car blah blah blah i say why would i care about that when on D-day you said it was easy to have an A cause you were out of town???? hmmm??? you asshat! now i know we have gotten down to the why already (he is still the fat kid inside attention starved , hes never had the girls like him when he was fat now that he is big and in shape he gets all this new attention and he ignored mine when invested in gaming so he thought i wasnt into him like that anymore),and of course this stupid comment stuck in my head.i know he wants to be the big earner and be proud of his job but my goodness this man cant have a normal job!!!! everything he wants is federal , requires some travel and i fuckin hate it.

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 10:17 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

TxsT posted 8/14/2013 10:25 AM

Wow....I am feeling your frustration big time! My hubby traveled for 20+ years with his last job and yes, I agree, that is one of the reasons the A was able to start. Also too was he insatiable desire to "have it all". It is that, I need to look successful, have bigger better things to be successful and I am a failure until I have achieved this. It is this exact thing that finally allowed my H to DO what he did.

If I were in your shoes I would immediately sit down and talk about the fact that no job is worth killing a family. You need to express your honest feelings about what this job will do to you, your children if there are any. My H was horrified to learn just how destructive his all important job and quest for success had hurt the people around him the most. We had all that your husband wants to give you...we had a comfortable and beautiful house in a really great neighbourhood, we had nice cars, we had a good school for the boys. When I pointed out that in my eyes, and the kids, he was a huge success it never dawned on him to stop the rat race.

I feel for you. I wouldn't want my hubby to get another traveling job either and if he did, I would be going with him when he traveled for work. Not out of non trust issues but because I am like you.....sick and tired of being so damn alone all the time!!!!!


huRtZ413 posted 8/14/2013 10:37 AM

thanks , this just makes me cry ! sometimes i see why i chose him i was always left alone growing up my dad was in and out of my life and my mom worked all the time so i rarely spent time with anyone . then i met my WH in high school started dating and then he enlisted in the USMC and left me alone with only letters and he was excited and happy seeing now countries and doing great things and there i am alone , he had buddies and toured and there i was alone then we married finally a break from being away from each other then the following year he deployed then again after our first daughter ....ive been through what 4 deployments that were 7 months-1 year in our 6 year marriage and countless times away that where anywhere from 1-3 weeks long ! he gets me so excited telling me baby were going back home and you can finally focus on your career and you wait is over what ???? i dont know anymore what to think.....part of me wants to trust him cause i see he understands my worry and hurt then apart of me hates that i will keep him from a job he wants yet ive never told him no! what he wanted he got! i dont want to be left to handle shit on my own anymore i want a husband . finally i guess if he did i should choose not to live in fear cause if he does it again i know i will have the courage to end it and take half of the six figure he is raving about !

cancuncrushed posted 8/14/2013 11:09 AM

yep. 23 yrs of travel here. Took OW out of town with him. I have no idea what happens each trip. To his credit, H told his superiors, he would not build the last project assigned to him. I was shocked. He didnt tell me. It was a glimmer of hope. But.... its temporary. More travel jobs around the corner, and now he feels good about it because he didnt build this one. Really? One in 23 yrs? And hes acting like he cant wait. He always loved it. He can have 2 lives. Even if its not cheating. He can come and go, eat, drink, act single, goes out every night. Fantasy life in action. No wife, no bills, no problems and its all free. Nice hotels. THen he can come home have family, children, etc. ANd no bitching, from me or office each day. this is the perfect excuse to get away. I believe Thats how he feels. Maybe it is better to be apart. He cant hide the joy. Hes been there almost 30 yrs. He will not quit. Infact, he mentioned, staying ontop of management for more success. Translates to more travel. I have seen first hand so many husbands volunteer eagerly to work out of town on these projects.They get paid more. The escape is rewarding. Most of these men, are now divorced. I think of this often. They begged to work out of town. and told their wives they had too. We are trying to rebuild us. This is a major problem for me. AND I see no end. Logic would say after 23 yrs I would have adjusted. Have you after 8? No, its the constant waiting, moving, things will be different after next project. Raising children alone. The time goes by. I never felt better about it. Now, I just dont feel. My conclusion is, if h wanted to cheat, he shouldnt have such a rotating career. Its impossible to repair if hes going and gone. But of course this lifestyle made it tempting and easy. catch 22 I do have to admit, he has been home for about 8 months, since he passed on that project. Its the one thing that has shown him, I am not over it. He had no idea. Hes confused, and startled. And it wont matter. I also see his sister and husband live with this exact career in another state. They are about to divorce with 5 young kids. Its not just the cheating. This is hard on any family. Temptation and resentment.

huRtZ413 posted 8/14/2013 11:38 AM

so i guess my anger translated to him and says he understands and we can both look together at other options. ( i told him ive being the stepping stool to his success in the military by putting my stuff on the back burner so he has nothing to worry about but his career and and advancing ...he agress to it being my turn and will be there to support me . i guess i over reacted cause he said he was only considering it and was going to bring it up when he got home but know how strongly i feel about it all ready he will ignore their request to consider. that he indeed wants me to focus on my career this coming year and will be my support. i was gonna have a panic attack.

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