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krazy8516 (original poster member #40076) posted at 4:28 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
I read someone's post earlier that they had "picked at the scab." That is, they went to the OW's FB page to see what she's been up to. I guess it planted a seed in my head, because I couldn't stop myself from doing it just now. It's probably all kinds of inappropriate to copy and past from her page, so I'll sum it up:
On August 9 she posted that she and her BF had their relationship "tested" that week. She thought for sure she was going to lose him over something "crazy", but through everything, he had "unwavering trust" in her, and "never doubted" her.
This makes me sick. During the conversation I had with the BF, he denied any wrongdoing by his GF, so I know she has completely snowed him. It sounds like they have been really working on their relationship, so maybe she will stay away from my H. But her BF will never know what really happened (because I failed to save proof) and she got away with everything. So while I'm struggling, and wondering if I'll have trust my husband again, her BF isn't even thinking twice.
Arrg, I'm so angry now! I knew I shouldn't have looked!
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
lynnm1947 ( member #15300) posted at 4:31 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
Read between her lines, krazy.
If she
thought for sure she was going to lose him over something "crazy",
then she and he probably had some shall-we-say "spirited" discussions. She may say he has unwavering trust in her, but man, I bet she is under a microscope now. He may trust, but I bet you he'll verify.
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 4:33 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
She got away with everything?
Maybe, maybe not. A life without consequences may lead to ever riskier behavior, and ever more serious consequences, when they do come. Keep your fingers crossed.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
RyeBread ( member #37437) posted at 4:38 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
The OW will never be able to have a healthy honest relationship until she owns the truth of her choices. She can snowball all she wants but ultimately it will not end well for her.
Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates
ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 4:39 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
What's that thing that has kept me from posting my relationship issues on Facebook for all my friends and family and possibly the public to see? Oh yeah, class.
krazy8516 (original poster member #40076) posted at 4:42 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
Plus now I'm wondering if my WH doesn't check her page to keep tabs on her since "supposedly" initiating NC. I wish she'd make her page completely private, that way neither of us can snoop.
I'm so mad at myself for looking. I can't heal if I can't let her go. I just need to forget she exists... because in the happy marriage I'm working towards, she doesn't....
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 4:45 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
They are not "really working on their relationship." She has pulled the wool over his eyes. She is lying to him. HE may think they are working things out..she is still lying and hiding the truth from him. So nothing has changed in their relationship.
He's not thinking twice..now. But her behavior will eventually catch up with her..and he will realize he is with a cheating slut.
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 4:47 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
I will never understand people that post their personal lives on FB or any other social media. Who really wants the world to know private details of their lives and who really cares to read them??? I can understand why BS's might want to read about things, but why do they think anyone else would care???
XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"
StillGoing ( member #28571) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
Unfortunately we will probably see her BF here in a few years then, if they stay together any length of time.
KeepCalm_CarryOn ( member #33374) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
He may choose to believe her right now, but there will always be that lingering doubt. It will eat away at them. He may be struggling. She may be in panic mode, you just never know on FB. Is that the type of relationship you want? Always questioning?
Why not block her and have WH block her? That way you can't check, you can't see. NC=No new hurts!
You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
TxsT ( member #39996) posted at 4:52 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
The OW in my story almost got away with doing this and not paying the piper. I had to be very patient. It took a year after Dday but she slowly imploded to the point where her internal and external anger caught up with her and she has been completely demoted at work. She finally GETS IT that what she did was VERY WRONG. Karma is a bitch sometimes but what you do to others will, eventually, come back to bite you in the butt!!!
T
Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
krazy8516 (original poster member #40076) posted at 4:53 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
ButterflyGirl & TrustGone - I agree completely. Posting about your private life on FB for the whole world to see is classless and juvenile. I, myself, have not posted anything on FB in weeks, because all I want to say is, "My H is a lying, cheating bastard who broke our family. But hey, we're trying to work it out." It's nobody's business, especially since we're trying to work it out. In the end, if we can't, I will probably tell the story. But not on Facebook.
[This message edited by krazy8516 at 10:54 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
million tears ( member #24416) posted at 4:54 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
She will always be walking on eggshells, fearing she may be caught in her lies. That can't be pleasant. I believe she is punishing herself.
TrulySad ( member #39652) posted at 4:59 PM on Wednesday, August 14th, 2013
Plus now I'm wondering if my WH doesn't check her page to keep tabs on her since "supposedly" initiating NC. I wish she'd make her page completely private, that way neither of us can snoop.
All you need to do is block her from both of your accounts. You won't be able to see her and she can't see you. It becomes like the accounts don't exist. Just keep in mind, people who stalk, tend to create a phony acct and you'd never know that name to block. Always set your FB to private for this reason.
As for her BF, he is probably struggling, not knowing what to believe. And while they may be advertising a united front publicly, in private. I think most of us BS's can attest he is probably living in hell. Once the doubt creeps in, it haunts you until the the full nightmare unfolds and plays out. I'd bet he's living in hell and she's living in her own little sweet denial.
Me : no longer a BW or BGF. Starting over!
Them : in the past, where they can stay.
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