I am too close to the situation to have enough clarity on how to handle when my husband comes home from his deployment next week.
A little history. He started a PA/EA approximately 3 - 4 years ago when we were stationed somewhere else...he has never answered a single question about her. About 2 1/2 years ago, we moved to the West Coast. He continued the EA part. He did try to break it off when we first moved out here for about 7 months...the phone bill gave me this info (FYI I also had a PI and did a lot of my own sleuthing for everything that I know).
DD was 3/25/2013 when he was home on his R&R from the deployment. Just before discovery he had been saying the Iloveyoubut... and that's what got me suspicious.
After discovery he went underground. I found out the secret phone within 24 hours, waited to see if he would come to his senses on his own. I busted him 4/10/13. After that I packed...did the 180 without even knowing what 180 was. He caved within 48 hours and professed we were going to work on our marriage. He did EVERYTHING right (now I know this...wasn't a member then though).
He redeployed in May.
We were doing good with R if there is such a thing as doing good.
In June I got an email he meant to send to her...won't even dignify the lame lie he tried to use to cover his tracks.
One week after that, he calls me and tells me he is filing for D.
It's been a roller coaster back and forth with EVERYTHING since that day. One day we might work, next day he doesn't know, etc etc.
I'm having him served with S papers first. Will file D when I'm ready.
I've decided to do 180. Attorney says I can't kick him out until he has been served.
So, when I go to pick him up from the airport and bring him home, gaggggggg ahgggg, how do I treat him? Do I answer any questions. Do I tell him he is being served in the morning? Do I act nice, ignore, disregard?
Coming to all of you to find out how other folks would handle the situation. OMG I just need some clarity. I really really wish he didn't even have to come home, but that wouldn't look nice in court.
I'm doing semi NC. I don't call, email, text, or engage. But, since he is in a danger zone, I will accept calls. Distantly ask what he needs. If it is ridiculous I don't respond and firmly tell him not discussing. If it is legitimate treat him like a business associate with business to handle. Oh and our youngest son, 18, ran away....yeah I know he's 18, but it's what he did. Backlash from him trying to comprehend the D. So my H really does have some legitimate things to discuss with me.
[This message edited by StillLivin at 11:20 AM, August 14th (Wednesday)]