OMG I have 4 dogs! Seriously I am never alone
I exercise a lot!! I crochet and I watch funny movies to keep me laughing.
I listen to music when I exercise. Someone mention Podcast for learning haven't went to that yet but I see it in my future.
Married 21 years at time of his 1st affair
2 kids, 19 and 17
I did immediately start going back to yoga; up to 4 times a week sometimes. I also continued with my weekly muscle-toning class.
as I've grown stronger I've started reaching out to other friends, finding new activities, joined group therapy, reached out to other SI member in my state and planning to meet in person, found several adult education classes at local community colleges/towns, looking at going back to school, etc.
Here is a link to a past SI post that gave a list of ideas, too
the last thing on my mind is any type of RA. Can't even fathom it. I'm 100% focused solely on myself and it feels good. I'll continue to be honest, respectful, loyal and act with integrity regardless of all his countless screw-ups.
[This message edited by TheRealDeal at 5:15 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]
I'm sorry. My brain just crashed to a screeching stop and I don't know what to say.
(to many I'm sure - that's a good thing lol!)
But for you I have a present.
A poem in a video. Consider it wrapped in bows & given in warm thoughts for you & everyone who silently clicks here.
The fear of being alone, and not being able to be happy alone is what leads so many people to tolerate the horrible situations they are in. If you can't be happy all by yourself, you search for it other places, usually in dysfuntional relationships.
This is where the 180 can help many of us get strong, and the ideas behind it can be carried out by those that are in active R. Figure out what you need to be happy, to be comfortable in your own skin. When you do this, and accomplish it, then you are never alone. You will find that you are a pretty neat person, and can be fufilled through your own actions. You don't find your happiness through others, you find it in you. The more you do, the stronger you get.
Focus on you. Make you a priority. What intrests you? What have you always wanted to do, but never did because you didn't have the time, money or someone to do it with you? Go DO IT!!! Life is too dang short to depend on others to make your happiness.
For me I was codependent as hell. I never did anything, without my H, or my kids. After Dday I realized I lost myself, and my intrests. So what did I do? At first it was small stuff. I got all my hair cut off, I love my hair short, and had kept it long for many years, because that is what my H liked. Nope you don't have to wash it, fix it, or care for it, not your decision to make.
Next thing I did that I was missing out on was going to concerts. I am a huge music lover, and my favorite group is DMB, I saw them no less than 5 times in the next year to year and a half after Dday. I get a concert date, and location, I'd buy my tickets. If H could go great, but if not I would find someone elsee.
Slowly and steadily doing more and more for me, until I was getting pedi regularly, taking time for exercise, and starting a brand new hobby that has turned now into a strong/thriving family business of beekeeping.
My H is usually right by my side to do all of this, and I love it, we R'd, and had our happy ending, but I would be just fine if he we hadn't, and am just fine when he isn't right by my side.
That was how I dealt with Lonely, and being Alone.
For me I was codependent as hell
^^^ this TushNurse -100% accurate for me too
I've started going to weekly CODA meetings (that's the group therapy I mentioned) and reading everything I can get my hands on and talk to IC about.
What an eye-opener about MYSELF. So like you, I focus on ME for the first time in decades and do I feel bad? feel selfish? HELL NO
I am learning about myself and what I like. And I'm excited to learn.
What is going on with WSO has almost -not quite - become secondary.
The more I learn about ME, the easier it is to deal with WSO. By default it's almost like doing the 180.
And believe me, he is noticing the changes and commenting...saying positive things.
I don't know what will happen with our relationship. I want to say we will eventually make it, but honestly its not my primary focus right now. I take it one day at a time as I learn more about myself. I have good days and bad days.
And as IC says, that's what it's all about...they are steps in right direction to getting through it.
I am hoping the baby will keep me so busy I won't have time to think about how lonely I feel. But right now it is so hard not to dwell on it, and wonder what WH is doing while I am home lonely and missing my old life
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
My SAWH cheated with my BFF of 30+ years, and I know her BH would be open to an RA. But as others have said, I have too much respect for myself to do that. Getting tested for STDs once because of SAWH was enough! If it gets too bad, I'll invest in a good BOB.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013