Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: bflyhigh (61471)

User Topic: Feeling bad about the negative thoughts
♀ 39902
Member # 39902
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some days I am very angry & emotional . I have had some very negative thoughts about OW & my fiancÚ ... Now that I am feeling a little better I feel bad a bout the negative thoughts & anger I have had..
Does anyone else feel bad about the bad thoughts you have had ?

Posts: 660 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 39523
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for your pain. Is your H following any of your rules? I've read your story, are you in recon?

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 9:04 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ 37107
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we need to own our feelings and accept them. "You can't heal what you won't feel." Stuffing feelings down is never a good idea.

It's perfectly normal and acceptable to have negative thoughts and feelings towards someone who has hurt us, how we act on those feelings is where we need to control ourselves

I never feel bad about my negative thoughts or feelings, but I get really, really mad with myself when I lose my dignity - for example when I completely lose my temper and scream and yell in an ugly way and then I have this thing where I throw coffee mugs at the wall... I always feel horrible when I do that, that to me is an unacceptable way of expressing an acceptable emotion.

BS 49
Together 32 yrs, M 28 years
2 daughters 27yo(married with 2 children) & 21yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1310 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I don't. No matter what I am thinking/feeling I tell WS in a calm manner before it gets to the point of exploding. Sometimes there are tears but its the anger that when bottled up does more harm then good.

I did write OW a nasty letter that I posted on SI and read over and over and over until I could read it with virtually no emotion. It helped a TON to release some of that anger. I would never send it but just writing it and having others read it was amazing!

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 35758
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger is just a natural part of it. Why would you feel bad about having bad thoughts about the OW and your fiancÚ?

They tore your world apart. What is there NOT to hate about that.

The only way passed this is through it and anger is part of it. You can't stuff those emotions; they will eat you alive from the inside.


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."

Posts: 2038 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 39902
Member # 39902
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FiancÚ & I are R. Doing better. I think I have suffered more than he has..

I am going to write letter to OW. ( but not mail it.) thank you for the suggestion.

Posts: 660 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 6

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.