WH has been gone for his LEO duties for three days straight. I know that he is working on a string of big operations but these are the kinds of hours he kept while he was having the affair.
Just taking care of the kids by myself for a few days puts me back in that "single mom" mode I was in while he was whoring around.
Then, I thought we were all a good LEO family "sacrificing" for our safer community. I was so proud of him.
I don't know if these three days are so much of a trigger as they are slap of reality.
I think now I compartmentalize when he is home and desperately try to just live in the moment and forget the past years BUT then a string of nights like these come up and it forces me to remember. Basically, I can forget about the bad past when the present is good.
Not too different from how he was able to forget about me when she was giving him blowjobs.
He tried to call me up between raids to tell me about the arrests. All I remember is how he would call her for hours a day to talk about work to her.
He's not a hero to me anymore. I don't care what he's doing at work. It's not worth the sacrifice anymore.
Maybe it's just the stress of working and taking care of the kids alone (applause for all the single parents!). Maybe feeling OK when he's here and DONE when he's gone is just part of the rollercoaster.
Anyone worked through similar feelings?