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Newest Member: NumbRiver (61160)

User Topic: Am I a bad person?
♂ 40142
Member # 40142
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I found out last night that the OM is having a really difficult time of it since my wayward other half broke things off and established NC.

I can't help but glean a little enjoyment out of that knowledge. Does this make me a bad person?

Don't get me wrong, I know that it's a superficial feeling, and it passes quickly, but it does feel like a small victory...

Sadly I know that I'll end up feeling bad for him in the long run, because that's just who I am.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Scotland
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does not make you a bad person. It makes you human. Your wayward with the OM hurt you and it is a normal response to want them to experience some of the pain that we are going through. Many times we project the desired pain to the AP more than our own partners. I think that is normal too, but in reality our partners are as much if not more to blame.

I would try not to feel badly for him in the long run if you can help it!

Me-54 BS
Him 61-WS
Married 34 yrs, together 37
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1962 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
♀ 40324
Member # 40324
Default  Posted: 3:33 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No you are not a bad person. You're fortunate that he decided to choose NC. I'm not so lucky. In fact, he's out with her tonight while I'm on here. That is a big step forward for him and your relationship. It probably wasn't easy for him to do that so give him a little credit and enjoy the victory. Hope there are many more for you.

Me: 48 healed and moving forward with life
Him: 55
D-day #1 May 2013 and many more

Married 21 years at time of his 1st affair
2 kids, 19 and 17

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Michigan
♂ 14833
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know when I was a newbie in this shitstorm I should have been cannonized a Saint because i didn't dispose of the OM's body in a shallow grave...


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor

Posts: 6054 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all!

Though I know how you feel when you say that you may eventually feel bad for him. I have flashes of hatred for the OW but then I also have moments of compassion for how lousy their lives must be to allow themselves to be used the way they were.

You are a good person.

Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40317
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get it totally. When WS broke up with the OW by text (because that's what I told him to do. She didn't deserve any more than that), she was livid. She said she thought she deserved more than a text at least because he didn't lose a *thing* and she lost *everything* (she got kicked out/she left her husband depending on who you ask). She has a dead-end counter service job and her husband got the house and primary custody of kids. I. Loved. It.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 19 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 510 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There isn't an awful thing left for me to wish on my RH's OW. She deserves every one of those hurts too.

Wondering ill.....that was wayyyyy too funny!!!


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
♀ 40032
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was watching Dr Phil yesterday about a man who left his wife of 24 years (they have 10 kids!) for a 19 year old. He said he left because he hated his wife worse than he loved his kids. yikes..

His daughter (near the same age as OW) said that if the OW caught on fire and there was a glass of water that she would drink the water instead of throwing it on OW. I could relate to her analogy.

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 8

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