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Everybody said Run. I am doing the opposite

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SilverFlame posted 8/15/2013 04:16 AM

Everybody on SI has said RUN, end it, cut your losses... I have decided to R. I know it may be a mistake and against better advice, but I am willing to try.
Short background: my wayward fiancé was caught in an inappropriate email exchange with an ex girlfriend. His history should be a red flag or running shoes for anyone. D three times, infidelity in various marriages, ONS during S, bad relationship choices (previous girlfriend was druggie and alcoholic). Yeah, reads like a nightmare...
His issues are bad or no boundaries and he knows this now, external validation, using As as an escape...
But he is a changed person - or so I choose to believe.
We have been through a really difficult period and he realizes the destructive nature of his past, the hurt caused and his own ignorance. He is committed to working on himself and our relationship.
Right now, I am not sure if I will marry him. He is going to have to earn my trust back. In some ways I still struggle to deal with the hurt caused by the emails - yes it was an EA, even if he didnt see the harm at the time. He does now.
Our relationship - the happiness and love we share is worth fighting for and committing to.
Yes, it's a difficult path to travel along R, but we want to.
Hopefully we can make it work. We want it to. He knows there will be no next time or mistake.
I am grateful to those who have shared their insights with me. Hopefully you are not offended by the path I chose. I will still count on my SI friends for their wisdom and support - and hopefully it will not be "I told you so..."

[This message edited by SilverFlame at 4:16 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]

AStar posted 8/15/2013 04:54 AM

SilverFlame, only you can decide what is right for you.
You are right, his history is scarey.
I hope this man appreciates the gift of R you are giving to him. My H had "an EA only" and I am filing for D.
I hope your man realizes the depth of his betrayal and commits to your relationship. Hold off on M for now.
I trust he won't abuse your gift of R and that he works his butt off to make you happy and appreciate you.

ItsaClimb posted 8/15/2013 06:33 AM

Hopefully you are not offended by the path I chose.

Only you can make the choice to stay or go and it's not about anyone else except you.

You are making your choice with your eyes wide open, you are armed with knowledge about infidelity and know exactly what signs to look out for and you have the tools you need if things do go wrong. Hope you never need any of this stuff, but it is there.

I think I can posted 8/15/2013 06:56 AM

He knows there will be no next time or mistake.

You need to know this. And then you can deal with what may come.

TxsT posted 8/15/2013 07:02 AM

Silver....I agree, only you can know what is right for you. I guess I would add that, given this mans past I would just stay prepared.

T

TrustGone posted 8/15/2013 07:05 AM

Nobody hopefully will ever say I told you so. Only you can make the choice to R and you are aware of his past, so you know he has some major hurtles to overcome. I am hoping and praying that he takes the gift you are giving and works to be a better person for himself and for you. Here is wishing you nothing but the best. (((HUGS)))

sisoon posted 8/15/2013 08:58 AM

You've asked for counsel, and you've considered it. In the beginning, in the middle, and in the end, you know your sitch better than anyone here, and no one can predict the future with any certainty. This could be the best course for you, and I hope it turns out better than you've even dreamed.

[This message edited by sisoon at 8:58 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]

SilverFlame posted 8/15/2013 12:48 PM

Thank you to all of you for the support and words of wisdom. I appreciate it so much.
I feel we deserve a second chance and yes my eyes are open. I know what I am getting to.
I still love him.

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