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Am I being manipulated?

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StunnedBeyBelief posted 8/15/2013 07:35 AM

Night before last my WS had an aborted suicide attempt. He sent notes to my email for me and my kids, he had instructions for what I should do (quite bossy if you ask me) about everything, said he loved me and would for eternity, was sure I would find someone to love me the way I deserved. He called me while he was in the car with the gun and said don't read the email because I can't do it, I'll be home after I pick up all my notes. He came home we talked (he told it like a funny story-said he thought he might be hysterical) I laughed, I cried. He assured me he was no longer in danger, I checked on him the next day, he was O.K. He was willing to go to marriage counseling but not willing to give up the stripper/hooker he is attached to. Found out he cashed out $10,000 in savings bonds and sent them to her as a parting gift, now that he is still alive he just hopes he can get some sex for it. I was almost drawn back into this quagmire feeling the urge to step in and care for him, but last night he said to me "most" of his excessive spending was over (the gun was expensive). When I asked what he meant by most he said do your really want to ruin your dinner by talking about this now, it will just be the same argument as before. He means he will continue to send more of our money to the stipper/hooker. I said no more. I refused to call for marriage counseling this morning when he asked not even divorce counsling, I have an appt for a consultation with a divorce attorney, but I am sure now it needs to be to retain an attorney. I have to face the truth and that is he left this marriage without a word a while back, I need to catch up and make every move forward to protect my financial and emotional well being. He is no longer my trusted spouse-he is the adulterer, the betrayer, the robber, the stranger that can no longer be allowed access to my thoughts, feelings or plans.

[This message edited by StunnedBeyBelief at 7:39 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]

AStar posted 8/15/2013 07:47 AM

Where I live all attempted suicide events are to be reported and the person is forced into mandatory counselling.
Is there something similar you can do? Report him based on his emails and get him some help?
It is a dangerous sign and I would not ignore it or sweep it away.
I am sorry that you had to go through this and deal with it.

misty posted 8/15/2013 08:14 AM

As I see it there are 2 possibilities - either the suicide 'attempt' was because he knows he's messed up and doesn't want to face up to it, or he wanted to use your care for him to control you.

My ex has done that to me 5 or 6 times, since before our divorce 5 years ago, and the last occasion was 2 weeks ago. He does this when he tries to control my actions and I refuse to allow it. I don't get emotional with him, don't beg him not to do it, I just calmly tell him that I will not be blackmailed into complying with (whatever it is).

If he does that again my advice would be to find out where he is and send the police there. If he really needs help then they can give it to him (he doesn't deserve it from you as long as he is behaving like an a$$). If he is just trying to manupulate you then the cops arriving should embarass him out of trying it again!

I havent taken that route with my ex because I know he is not serious.

He was willing to go to marriage counseling

A waste of money as long as he is still seeing the stripper

Best of luck to you

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/15/2013 08:55 AM

Honestly, the man sounds certifiable, and I don't mean that in a joking way.

You need to protect your assets IMMEDIATELY. Also, I believe the law states that HALF of that money given to his stripper skank is marital property which means he'll have to pay half back to you.

Lastly, I hope your appt with your attorney is for right this minute. This guy is a loaded cannon.

Sending you strength.

TxsT posted 8/15/2013 09:30 AM

I agree with protecting your assets. Either he is not right in the head really or he is an evil manipulator. I usually don't post these kinds of feelings but this one is from my gut.


[This message edited by TxsT at 9:30 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]

Brandon808 posted 8/15/2013 09:51 AM

Well he is trying to manipulate you. It sounds like you've woken up to what he truly is.

His "attempted suicide" was nothing more than a play on your nurturing and protective instincts. Well he screwed himself on that one. You've got emails on his threat on his life. Take them to the attorney. Also, you can pursue an order of protection against him and I would recommend you do so. He is armed and shown himself to be unstable. You can also file to have him declared incompetent with regards to access to the family's finances. Sending that $10K kind of indicates that. That route might enable you to his access to your money blocked.

I mean this sincerely. Do not fail to pursue any and every means of protection and redress you have at this point. His suicide threat was cruel and calculating. It takes a cold-blooded person to do that and continue to behave the way he does.

rescuedog posted 8/15/2013 10:21 AM

[This message edited by rescuedog at 2:19 PM, August 25th (Sunday)]

whattheh posted 8/15/2013 10:55 AM

Could he and the stripper be investigated for prostitution? Sounds like that's what she is doing.

doggiemom12 posted 8/15/2013 11:14 AM

Is he bipolar? Sounds alot like my late STBX - he did commit suicide.

See a lawyer - take half the money plus $10,000 and put it into an account only you can access. Kick him out if you can.

If he ever threatens to do this again call 911 and tell them where he is. Let them handle it.

These men do not get better. Don't waste any more time on him. Just get yourself out and take care of business.

StunnedBeyBelief posted 9/15/2013 06:40 AM

I've been through a lot since this post but the one piece of information that came out of his drunken mouth about this suicide attempt: He was thinking about it for a while, the gun was purchased 2 weeks before. What drove him to actually do it. The 24 year old stripper he was sending money to was ignoring him, the week he spent with her showering her with jewelry, shopping for a car and paying her excessive cell phone bill didn't make any sexual overture to him and basically just demanded he meet her financial needs. So he though I'll show her, I'll send her enough money to change her life. Well almost a month later, he's still a live lying cheating sack of sh!t and she is still calling for more money. And I have to live with the reality that I never entered into consideration in any of this at all. Why am I still here?

doggiediva posted 9/15/2013 08:54 AM

I would visit an attorney and and get protection orders for every situation that you can think of / protect what is left of your assets until you are in a position to physically separate from this manipulative douche wad..

StunnedBeyBelief posted 9/19/2013 06:28 AM

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am doing exactly that, going forward with a divorce, holding on to what funds I can protect from this unreal situation. I doubt myself constantly but all the reinforcement helps me to keep it real myself, his behavior says it all and he has never changed that at all in the last 2 months.

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