This letter has been a work-in-progress since DDay1 (one year ago). Never sent it, but boy it felt good to get it all out:
When WS and you started "texting", you encouraged each other’s craziness, compulsion, selfishness and ego-driven destruction. He became a shell of the man he was, though this began to happen years ago and I do not fully blame you. I do not even blame him totally either. We both had life's problems that were stronger than our resolve to keep our marriage strong. I own my part in THAT. I do know, however, that he was struggling and he had drifted from our family, but never did I believe he would resort to another woman, though I no longer consider you that. I see you more as a troll.
I know you commiserated with each other, lamented about your lives and found solace in each other’s open dialogue and support. Whatever. You supported each other with delusion and empty souls. You thought of no one but yourselves and your twisted, demented desires. I hold him equally responsible, and have discussed this at length with him. I’m sure we’ll be talking about this for quite a while. You both took your spouses, your vows, your promises with people who loved and respected you (at least in my case-I understand your marriage was already struggling or over, though I imagine this contributed to its demise) and disregarded them. You lost any and all integrity you ever had, not that you had much apparently, by the noise in *hometown* I've heard since this has all come to light. You are known as a troll, you are known as an attention seeking whore, who uses her job to seek out married men who may eventually "save you" from the misery of the "marriage" you helped create. I don't have any pity for you, although I know you got WS to feel it for you. For that I will always hate you. He used to be a man I couldn’t bitch about with my girlfriends because he was the most honest, integrity-filled, respectable man I knew. Everyone was jealous of the me because of the amazing man I was married to. You, OW, you helped him disintegrate into a lying, cheating, broken boy. For that I will always hate you.
The fact that you chased after a married man tells me of your true nature and character. You had no problem not only breaking the hearts of your own kids time and time again, but attempting to break up a family with innocent *girls* no less. My girls. Girls that do not ever need to know their father got messed up with the likes of you. Girls that have blessed hearts. Innocent hearts. Loving and forgiving hearts. Hearts that are one day going to break because we are going to have to explain to them what happened and who it happened with since the whole town knows. Innocence lost. And you didn't give a damn.
The fact that he participated showed me sides of him I didn’t think possible. WS lied to me for nearly a year. Then lied to me AGAIN. At one point the first time around, before I even had any inkling of you, I begged him for a divorce and he got angry. Accused me of having an affair. Then promised he would work with me to do better putting us first. All the while having you in "his back pocket". Disgusting. The rot and destruction you encouraged him to create has now littered our home and family. Your filth, deceit and foul-soul has affected innocent people, to which you have not a care in the world that you messed with. As long as OW got what OW wanted to hell with anyone else.
WS needed a change. That's what you said to him. What change do you have, OW? As soon as WS dumped you *again* you ran right back to *your STBEXH*. You didn't love WS. You loved the fact that WS made a good paycheck. You loved the fact that WS loved you (or who you portrayed yourself to be). You loved the fact that you were a "bad ass" doing something forbidden. You loved the fact that you were taking something *better* from someone else, because that would mean you were worthy of the *better*. You aren't. You are a bottom feeder. You are a troll. You need constant attention, and constant adoration. WS would have eventually not been able to give you the attention you needed because the newness would have faded and he would go back to being the broken person you found across your counter at your job. Then what? Because a person that screwed around *with* him, would eventually screw around *on* him. Because THAT, OW, is the person you are.
Period.
And even in his broken state, he deserves more than that. He deserves the person who loved him when he worked at the fast food place in college. He deserves that person that knows all the little things he could never bring himself to say, they broke him so...that person loves him *more* because of those things. That person BELIEVES in him because that person knows what he is capable of and knows what an amazing person he wants to be again. That person knows this WS. The one you *think* you know, is not the real WS. It's the confused WS. It's the empty WS. It's the desperate WS. That's the WS you met and that's the WS you caught. That's not the WS the true WS wants to be. The true WS is the one I *used* to know and that's the WS I love more than life itself. *I* am the person that truly loves WS. The real WS. The WS I don't even think WS can see right now, or the WS he has ever seen. But I have. He deserves me. I am much more than anything you could ever give him. You just aren't capable. So leave him alone.
If you do ANYTHING for ANYONE other than yourself, do this. Leave him alone. Because being with you has helped destroy him, not help him. You are poison to him. That anyone can see.
