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So the prick is driving her home from CT after she spent the last two days with her mother.

I told her I wouldn't come get her. Told her to have her boyfriend pick her up, and she did. And she says there is no inappropriate relationship! Arghhhhhhh.

She says I am being irrational and that she won't speak with me because I say something hurtful each time. Pot calling the kettle...

I just spoke with a lawyer, and basically I'm screwed. Unless I want to take everything to a spiteful place legally, I have little recourse for anything. The infidelity doesn't come into play in our state.

Life sucks.

I feel for you. I too am in no fault state that is very DAD friendly from custody perspective. BOOO! This totally sucks. Just hang in there.

(((Kg)))

That sounds like a mess. I'm sorry you have to deal with her.

The infidelity doesn't come into play in our state.

FWIW, even in jurisdictions where there is fault, infidelity is very rarely used as it is difficult to prove legally.

Unless I want to take everything to a spiteful place legally,...

Filing to divorce your spouse who openly (admits to sex, discusses with her mother, sees regularly) has a relationship with another man is not being spiteful, it is being reasonable. You can D without being spiteful.

Now, I would say that openly participating in an A with an OM, while still maintaining your M relationship is spiteful, as well as selfish.

The A itself may not be grounds but the way she is conducting herself could be grounds for mental cruelty.

Unless I want to take everything to a spiteful place legally

I'm not a proponent of an eye-for-an-eye. However, it seems your WW decided she was going to conduct her life with total disregard for your feelings. Protecting yourself isn't spite. My attorney told me that one of the biggest hurdles she faced when trying to represent her clients were the clients themselves. They would place limits on what they did and didn't want done. They would not take her advice.

Go to the lawyer and tell him/her what you want. Then do what the say to get it, because they know the process. Don't focus on the process. Focus on the outcome and remember only you are looking out for you in this. So you need to be vigorous in your own defense.