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Newest Member: Gypsy2017 (60730)

User Topic: Is it OK not to buy into the paranoia?
♀ 40076
Member # 40076
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My worst fear ever since d-day was that this wasn't over. That it would never be over. That with each discovery/ accusation, my WH and his OW would just take the A deeper underground and that the only reason there would stop being d-days is because I simply gave up trying to find out.

Another big fear is that this is, in fact, all over, but my distrust of him won't allow it to be.

Everything in my life is so conflicting and confusing right now. I have a hard time sorting it out by myself, so I post on here a lot, trying to get others' perspectives.

The problem is, I have enough paranoia for the world right now. Add on the insistance by others that my H's behavior continues to be full of "red flags", and I'm going bat-shit crazy over here!

I am in no way trying to defend him, and I can assure you that I don't trust him. Do I wonder still? Sure - but I've seen an improvement in him that I never thought would happen. He's cut way down on his game time, bathroom breaks are shorter (and he takes a book to the potty instead of his phone), he understands why I am tracking his every move, and insists it no longer bothers him. The biggest improvement is in his attitude when I ask questions - he no longers gets angry or hostile. He's accepted this as part of my healing process.

Now, I have read plenty of stories of false R (in fact, I'm not even considering us in R just yet). WS's doing all the right things, and all the while still carrying on the A. I get it. I'm not being naive here.... but is it OK not to buy into everyone else's paranoia? I mean, I've got plenty to cover this! Of course if I'm wondering about something I will probably still come here for advice/ suggestions. And I'm still going to keep tabs on WH - I now have access to his phone, e-mail, and FB, and he doesn't seem to (as he thought he would) hate me for invading his privacy.

Am I being foolish to even think about ignoring the comments of the seasoned veterans here on SI??

me: BW, 30
him: WH, 25
us: edging closer to R every day

married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m

"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."

Posts: 368 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Texas
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is confusing, isn't it?

I understand what you are saying, for example, I caught WH in a lie since d-day, but it was a "save face" lie, and while a lie is a lie, does is HAVE to mean he's taken the affair underground, or does it just mean that he still doesn't know how to cope with what he's done, doesn't want to hurt me more and doesn't want to start an argument on a day that is going well, kwim? He has so much work to do, I get it, but I'm not sure that each mis-step he takes means the A went underground.

But then again, maybe it did. Like I said, it's all so confusing.

I say post away, get advice, take what helps and leave the rest.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 40211
Member # 40211
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand!!! I don't believe a thing my h tells me!! It is horrible. It is one thing to deal with a situation after discovery but a whole other if you have NO IDEA what is really going on!! I am sorry for you because it make for a lot of energy worrying about it and takes all the life out of you.
One thing, if I may: your daughter is still so small. Small enough to not remember any of this. You are lucky for this fact. Mine are 16, 14, 7. If I leave it will be traumatic BC my H is super defensive and will stop at nothing to prove I am crazy. Even if yours is the same, at least your daughter won't remember.
I am a loyal, supportive, honest person as I am sure you are, and most of the folks on this site.
YOU deserve better.
(((NOT Krazy)))

Me: 48
Him: 50
Married 22 years too many
DS19, DS17, DD10

Know your worth.

Posts: 1422 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Detroit, Michigan
Topic Posts: 3

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