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Liive together after D ?

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torn2bits posted 8/15/2013 12:18 PM

Has anyone lived together after the divorce?

chikastuff posted 8/15/2013 12:23 PM

No, but why would you want to?

I lived with my ex for four months after DD and three months after filing for D. It was hell.

Dreamboat posted 8/15/2013 12:57 PM

oh hell no!! I could not get away from that loser soon enough.

Bloomsday posted 8/15/2013 13:01 PM

I saw quite a bit of this from 2008 - 2011. Couples who were underwater on their mortgages and could not afford to sell were stuck in the same house. Usually the guy set up a separate apartment in the basement. That would be my version of hell.

suckstobeme posted 8/15/2013 13:15 PM

I would have rather drilled screws in my face than live with him after D. I understand financial issues and that people sometimes have to make big sacrifices post D to get back on their feet. But, honestly, I would have done anything in that situation to avoid living with him for one more second.

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.

RyeBread posted 8/15/2013 14:54 PM

I have a coworker who lives with his exwife.

He came down with throat cancer shortly after getting divorced but had no friends or family help him during treatment so she let him move in. That was 6-7 years ago i believe.

I asked how in the world he handled that. His response was he and his ex get along so much better now that they aren't married. go figure.

lieshurt posted 8/15/2013 15:20 PM

In my case, not even if hell froze over. I wouldn't do that to my son. It gives kids hope that things will go back to "normal" and when it doesn't, it tears them up. Divorce is hard enough without compounding it unnecessarily.

nowiknow23 posted 8/15/2013 15:23 PM

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.

Any other veterans remember this?

lieshurt posted 8/15/2013 15:25 PM

Nik, I do remember that, but not who it was. I don't believe kids were involved though.

EvenKeel posted 8/15/2013 15:27 PM

When we were in the discussions of D, I thought this was do'able.

In hindsight, I am SOOO glad I never went down that road.

Healing would of not been the same.

I am not sure if you are asking this for yourself or a friend. If for yourself - it doesn't sound like a good person to be roomies with (anger, lies, playing games with the kids, etc). Your home should be your own safe zone - a healthy place for you and your children.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:29 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]

Rainbows posted 8/15/2013 15:28 PM

I'm in the middle of living with STBX and it's pure hell on earth. He has zero regard for my feelings because he's "moving on with his life."

I'm still there for legal reasons, but could do without the show. Even though I filed for D and have healed a lot, it still triggers me and hurts because there is so much deep unresolved pain.


Suckstobeme put it best:

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.

It really all depends on the character of your ex and how considerate and thoughtful he is of other people.

GabyBaby posted 8/15/2013 15:35 PM

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.
Any other veterans remember this?
Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

I'm with the previous posters though. I could not fathom living with XWH after D.
It was bad enough that it took him a couple of months to find an apartment the last time I asked him to leave.
He would "work late", but come home dressed up.
In the meantime, I had to keep it together for the kids and not unleash verbal hell on him every time I saw that smug, smarmy look on his face.

Ugh....he's so lucky I didnt poison him or beat him to death in his sleep. I'm not fond of the idea of going to prison.

lieshurt posted 8/15/2013 15:38 PM

Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

Sunnysideup?

Take2 posted 8/15/2013 15:42 PM

^^^ That sounds right to me - and as I recall it was working fine for them.

GabyBaby posted 8/15/2013 16:30 PM

Sunnysideup?

Yep! That's it, I think!

stillstrong posted 8/15/2013 19:14 PM

My DD's friend's parents live together. We didn't even know they were divorced until after we all went out to dinner (before a dance) and the parents didn't sit next to each other. When X and I mentioned it, DD told us they had divorced, then moved in together a few years later to co-parent and save money. It works for them, and my X and I may consider it later when emotions have died down.

[This message edited by stillstrong at 7:14 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]

hurtbs posted 8/15/2013 19:42 PM

No. Did in house separation and that was hell on earth.

tryingagain74 posted 8/15/2013 20:30 PM

Yuck. And also no.

Also did the in-house separation... that was bad enough.

Besides... my XWH probably wouldn't have wanted me to live with him after the D since he married the OW one month later... that might have been a bit awkward.

newlysingle posted 8/16/2013 00:51 AM

I cannot think of anything worse.

aesir posted 8/16/2013 01:08 AM

I had quite a few months after we settled on divorce where we lived together. It was not that bad, but really required getting my head in the right place to not be worrying about what she did and such. I could not have done it if I was angry, or not able to detach.

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