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Newest Member: Romulus (45761)

User Topic: Liive together after D ?
torn2bits
♀ 28376
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone lived together after the divorce?


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
chikastuff
♀ 35288
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, but why would you want to?

I lived with my ex for four months after DD and three months after filing for D. It was hell.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Dreamboat
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh hell no!! I could not get away from that loser soon enough.


And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Bloomsday
♂ 40275
Member # 40275
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw quite a bit of this from 2008 - 2011. Couples who were underwater on their mortgages and could not afford to sell were stuck in the same house. Usually the guy set up a separate apartment in the basement. That would be my version of hell.

Posts: 55 | Registered: Aug 2013
suckstobeme
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have rather drilled screws in my face than live with him after D. I understand financial issues and that people sometimes have to make big sacrifices post D to get back on their feet. But, honestly, I would have done anything in that situation to avoid living with him for one more second.

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2882 | Registered: Jan 2011
RyeBread
♂ 37437
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a coworker who lives with his exwife.

He came down with throat cancer shortly after getting divorced but had no friends or family help him during treatment so she let him move in. That was 6-7 years ago i believe.

I asked how in the world he handled that. His response was he and his ex get along so much better now that they aren't married. go figure.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case, not even if hell froze over. I wouldn't do that to my son. It gives kids hope that things will go back to "normal" and when it doesn't, it tears them up. Divorce is hard enough without compounding it unnecessarily.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13841 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.

Any other veterans remember this?


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26214 | Registered: Aug 2011
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nik, I do remember that, but not who it was. I don't believe kids were involved though.


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13841 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we were in the discussions of D, I thought this was do'able.

In hindsight, I am SOOO glad I never went down that road.

Healing would of not been the same.

I am not sure if you are asking this for yourself or a friend. If for yourself - it doesn't sound like a good person to be roomies with (anger, lies, playing games with the kids, etc). Your home should be your own safe zone - a healthy place for you and your children.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:29 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2249 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Rainbows
♀ 39362
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the middle of living with STBX and it's pure hell on earth. He has zero regard for my feelings because he's "moving on with his life."

I'm still there for legal reasons, but could do without the show. Even though I filed for D and have healed a lot, it still triggers me and hurts because there is so much deep unresolved pain.


Suckstobeme put it best:

An unremorseful wayward would think nothing of doing exactly as he/she pleases. That means getting ready for dates, spending all hours on the phone, coming home late, not coming home at all, etc., and unless you have so detached that you can honestly say none of that would matter, it would be a version of hell on earth that I would try to avoid like the plague.

It really all depends on the character of your ex and how considerate and thoughtful he is of other people.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 415 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There was someone last year who had her ex as a roommate for a while. Can't remember which member that was, though, or how it turned out.
Any other veterans remember this?
Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

I'm with the previous posters though. I could not fathom living with XWH after D.
It was bad enough that it took him a couple of months to find an apartment the last time I asked him to leave.
He would "work late", but come home dressed up.
In the meantime, I had to keep it together for the kids and not unleash verbal hell on him every time I saw that smug, smarmy look on his face.

Ugh....he's so lucky I didnt poison him or beat him to death in his sleep. I'm not fond of the idea of going to prison.


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6692 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunny...something.
I think her name had Sunny in it, but I can recall either.

Sunnysideup?


A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 13841 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Take2
♀ 23890
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ That sounds right to me - and as I recall it was working fine for them.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4167 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
GabyBaby
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunnysideup?

Yep! That's it, I think!


Me - 42
SorryInSac (STBX WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Done

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity/typos.


Posts: 6692 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
stillstrong
♀ 36144
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DD's friend's parents live together. We didn't even know they were divorced until after we all went out to dinner (before a dance) and the parents didn't sit next to each other. When X and I mentioned it, DD told us they had divorced, then moved in together a few years later to co-parent and save money. It works for them, and my X and I may consider it later when emotions have died down.

[This message edited by stillstrong at 7:14 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. Did in house separation and that was hell on earth.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yuck. And also no.

Also did the in-house separation... that was bad enough.

Besides... my XWH probably wouldn't have wanted me to live with him after the D since he married the OW one month later... that might have been a bit awkward.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3645 | Registered: Oct 2011
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cannot think of anything worse.


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 961 | Registered: Mar 2013
aesir
♂ 17210
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had quite a few months after we settled on divorce where we lived together. It was not that bad, but really required getting my head in the right place to not be worrying about what she did and such. I could not have done it if I was angry, or not able to detach.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Topic Posts: 22
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